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What do you do if your husband treats your son differently than the kids you have together?

Stepchildren

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (10)
  • the pp who said "a woman choses a man who treats her kids badly" was very judgemental.Good for you anon ,that your life was so "perfect" that everyone behaved so textbook, but reality is different for everyone.Men are sneaky and they will act one way until they get what they want and also we know nothing of this womans life...so get off your high horse.As for your question, what you can do is show him specific examples of the different behaviors and attitudes.If he still will not agree to compromise, THEN you ahve some tough choices to make.It's hard and I am sorry you are in this position.Just know that not everyone is judging you, you love your kid or you would have never asked the question...it is hard sometimes to have a life of your own, but also do the right things by our kids.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:55 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • You bring it to his attention and deal with it. I have teen kids from a previous marriage and for the most part my dh is great with them but they DO butt heads. I just call him AND them out on it when they are disrespecting each other. I tell them I wont put it with it from either. When they treat each other badly they are disrespecting ME.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:39 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I do not understand what makes a mother choose a man who treats her children badly? My dh has NEVER treated my son like he wasn't his child and my father never treated my step siblings any different than his "real" kids either. It is the most selfish way to show your kids they do not come first to stay with a man who treats them bad!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Talk to your husband in private discuss your feelings. Try to encourage him to do some activities alone with just his SS.

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 7:54 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I talked with my sister about this last night. If I thought for a second that my SO would have ever treated our natural children different than my daughter, we would not be having a baby together right now. My grandfather's mother lectured him BIG TIME about marrying a woman with children saying "If you marry a woman with children, those children are YOUR children and you never treat them as anything other than your own flesh and blood". He gave that same lecture to his sons (and step sons even though we didn't use that word) and then the grandkids and then, right before he died, to my SO. I would not let it continue. Be REAL up front with what you see and examples and tell him it better change.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:48 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • i had my new hubby tell me he doesn't like my oldest son much. he means his attitude. i made him hang out with him together at a concert. they seemed to of bonded more and he now has learned more patience with him. i hope my husband doesn't start this crap when we start to have our kids.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:00 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Loving someone else's child is very difficult.

    My advice to the original poster is to try and get some outside intervention. Ask a counselor or pastor or rabbi or priest or spiritual advisor for help. Had our family tried to work through some of our problems with a counselor I believe it would have been better.
    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 10:09 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I know I sound bitter but I have been through it and if your husband is doing what you speak of then he will probably not change. That is the way he is and thinks. I am in the same situation and no matter what i suggest or try to change, it remains the same so my pathetic motto is "It is what it is." It may just get better on it's own but more than likely that man won't be a changin.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I think he needs to find some common ground with your son. One can favor one biological child over another. I favor my son, My husband my daughter. Of course we love them the same, Yet we connect with one more than the other. It probably isn't intentional just a personality thing. Maybe you can all find an activity that they can enjoy together. Focusing on their simularities instead of their differences.
    CelticFaerie

    Answer by CelticFaerie at 2:51 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • My DF feels that my DD is his daughter too and he has two children of his own. I adore his children like they are mine. I do agree with a previous poster that it's hard to love someone else's children sometimes. We may not have been with them since they were young and they have their own attitudes and behaviors. I think as adults we have to handle each situation the best way possible and realize that all children grow up and move on with their lives so we need to just all get along while we are together.
    jw2857

    Answer by jw2857 at 11:25 PM on Feb. 8, 2009