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Showing Affection

Do you feel its necessary to have affection in a marriage/relationship to SHOW love. My husband and I disagree. He feels a kiss or two a day sex every once in a blue moon is enough. I do not. I need to be hugged, kissed, cuddled, hold hands, sex more often than every 2-4 weeks! Even once a week would be ok. Do you agree? Do you need to be SHOWN love as much as being told your loved in order to believe a person feels it for you?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Jun. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • My husband used to be that way too. He married me so it was supposed to go without saying that he loved me. I told him actions speak louder than words and he needed to "show" me he loved me.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 4:40 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I personally don't need to be shown love constantly on top of being told I am loved. My husband and I now have two small children and aside from a quick peck, hug, or a squeeze of the hand not much else is shown. If we get a chance to cuddle we try to make the most of it.  However, my preferred method of being loved is for him to do a task without being asked. Those small moments mean alot to me. 

    Seeing as you have already spoken to your husband about your need for more attention and he isn't in agreement maybe you should take some time aside when the two of you can talk and work on a compromise.  Before you talk you might want to write down your reasons for added attention and be as specific as possible.  Being prepared to talk to your husband might let him know how serious this topic is to you and he may be more willing to consider your suggestions.  Good luck! 

    CGMom73

    Answer by CGMom73 at 4:54 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • It all depends on you and how it makes you feel. Personally my husband and I kiss a lot and we hug a lot, he tells me he loves me and complains a lot that I never tell him..We have reverse roles I guess. So I try a little harder, but even if he never said it, it would be ok for me. I know he loves me we've been through a lot together and he helps me with the house chores any chance he gets. And by the way, he never buys me anything for my birthday, mother's day and stuff like that, and it's fine also, yes he forgets and he's a man, so I buy what I want for myself...
    Like I said before if it's a big deal to you and you need it, then you need to sit down and talk to him calmly and really make him understand and compromise.
    Good luck
    Briandanielsmom

    Answer by Briandanielsmom at 4:58 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I WAS IN THE SAME SHOES AS YOU SO WHAT I DID WAS DEMAND IT AND BUG HIM TILL I GET SOME AND AFTER AWHILE HE GIT THE MESSAGE AND HE NOW SAYS I KNOW WHEN YOU NEED ME YOU WILL ASK,SO NOW HE IS USED TO IT, REPETITION MAKES PERFECTION.TRY MAKING HIM DO IT OFTENTILL IT COMES NATURALLY,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • When my babies were first born, we used to totally and purposely exaggerate the affection in front of the babies, like we would say "oh look - mommy kiss daddy" "kiss kiss daddy" "kiss kiss mommy". I think it is sweet and it shows the kids that you and daddy are happy, together, and love each other. Not all men are on board for this and there is nothing wrong with a man who does not want to do this (maybe they are embarrassed or feel silly). However, I feel sorry for men who do not know the effect that a pda can have on a child. My kids (both boys) are now almost age 2 and 3 and they both climb all over daddy giving him kisses and hugs all the time. They are very lovey dovey some times and it is cute. Yet they are 100% boys and go back to the trucks within minutes. LOL. Everyone is different, you have to do what ever works for your family. Maybe you can tell him it is good for the kids to see mommy and daddy kiss and hug each other . . . .
    4sailor

    Answer by 4sailor at 5:36 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • My husband doesn't show me very much affection I know he loves me. he adopted my two boys and they adore him. My boys are very sensative they like to cuddle and hug they are mommas boys. I just wish that my husband would cuddle with me to.
    littlered79

    Answer by littlered79 at 7:29 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I think it comes down to what love is to us: word of praise; touch; gifts; acts of service; time. You seem to need touch to feel loved. Your husband obviously has a different "Love Language". We need to speak the language our spouse does if we expect them to understand we love them. Check out the books on Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Share it with you husband and see what happens.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 8:20 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • it depends on the person. i don't care for too much displays of affection. i know that he loves me and this is enough. too much displays of affection makes me feel like i am being coddled.
    hiddenpoet

    Answer by hiddenpoet at 1:30 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Have you two ever read the book "The four love languages"? It helps you and your husband pin point what makes you feel loves...I would venture to say yours would be physical contact :) Maybe if you two can discover his "language" it will help out. The book also has really great tips for how to show your love to your spouse if you two have different ways of communicating/showing it. My husband isn't very affectionate. So when I need a hug...I just go grab one!
    hannahjoy17

    Answer by hannahjoy17 at 11:38 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Your situation sounds like a dream to me. My husband thinks that sex once a day isnt even enough, sometimes i cant seem to get him off of me.Loving me without sex would be nice. Sometimes i think if i couldnt for some reason have sex he wouldnt love me anymore.There is really something to be said for the less is more.Physical signs of affection are nice,but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.
    jescamilla45

    Answer by jescamilla45 at 5:09 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

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