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hubby drama.....cheating,trust,me going nuts????

my hubby is in iraq as a civillian contractor. I have always and will always remain faithful. However, he has not always done the same. My DH has a friend from his job that i never knew excisted. and i found pics of her and him, non expliciit, on his computer one day. i also found alot of texts,vids,phone calls......& i talked to him about it and it was all denied. but he has cheated before, more than once with girls from his job. Now,He never admitted to an affair with this recent woman & (contd below)

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stefirose22

Asked by stefirose22 at 3:57 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • i honestly dont care anymore. I can find someone who wont cheat, but it wont be him. i want to be with him & to me now ignorance will be my bliss. or at least that is what im trying to accomplish at this very moment. He has had 3 days to contact me. ALL his friends however all updated their myspace & added pics & all this good stuff.......am i to think he was the only person not able to get on a comp? As i said im trying to ignore what i feel to save my marriage & move on but this woman works with him. directly with him on a base in iraq & all i can think about is when all his friends were on their computers contacting family and what not, he was busy with her.advice please.you can even tell me u think im nuts.....anything. i need help and support.
    stefirose22

    Answer by stefirose22 at 3:57 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Okay hun what I have to say may sound harsh but its my honestly opinion so please don't get upset. To me a Marriage with out trust is no way to live. You have every reason not to trust him since he has done this to you before and with him being gone all the time your mind wonders and it will drive you nuts. My husband is in the Army and recently came home from a 16 month deployment and has never given me a reason not to trust him but when you don't know whats going on your mind always wonders. Heres where you need to do some serious thinking. Is it worth it in the long run. If you really want to make things work go talk to someone when he returns, but if you honestly don't see him changing you are only wasting your time and making it harder on you. Never settle for more than you deserve! I hope I've helped in some way. Good luck!
    Kellyboot

    Answer by Kellyboot at 4:06 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I don't think you are nuts. I think it's reasonable to believe you could doubt his fidelity to you under the circumstances since he's done it before. So the question is: what do you want to do about it? You can accept it and stay and reap the benefits of being married to him or you can leave and start all over again. Perhaps you can tell him you want an open marriage if he is going to play then so should you. (if that is something you would be interested in). Even if you don't want to play around it might get his attention if he thinks another rooster might get in his hen house! Men cheat (yes not all of them but many do). Personally I'd be spending all his money and enjoying life but that's just me. lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:10 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Hello, Im sorry you are going through such a tough time. It's a very sad situation to be in especially when there's children involved. I don't think it's my place or anyone else's to tell you what you need to do. You need to make some decisions: Do you stay in the marriage knowing that he is cheating and has cheated before and will continue to cheat as long as you allow it. Or do you put your foot down and let him know that you wont stay in a unhealthy relationship. I know you are not ok with his cheating but it sounds like you accept the fact that he does. When you are unhappy your children will sense this and It's going to be a bad situation for everyone involved. Remember , there's going to be woman everywhere, you need to be able to trust your husband!
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 4:27 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

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