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how does a teenager who has broken your trust, earn it back??

My step daughter got in trouble for doing things she shouldn't have. I feel that she needs to earn our trust back but husband thinks that there is no real way to EARN trust back...so he gives her all the freedom she had before. I think hes asking for trouble!! but maybe I am wrong...please help!!

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cindymay

Asked by cindymay at 4:24 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • He is wrong and asking for trouble to give her all her freedoms right away. She needs to go without for a while, and then have little freedoms given to her little by little, and as she continues to not screw up, then she can continue to get her freedoms back, until she is back up to where she originally was.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 4:27 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • If she got into trouble with the privileges she had, then she is clearly not responsible enough to have them.  Take them away for a set amount of time.  If she stays out of trouble, then slowly give her the priviliges back.  (i.e. Take away cell phone, computer use, tv time, curfew).  If she stays out of trouble for a week, she gets her cell phone back.  Two weeks, she gets the computer back, etc.  Explain that these things are privelegs, not rights.  If she can't handle them, they might be taken away permanently. 


    Good Luck!

    ANGIE409

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 4:29 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I completely agree with the opinions given but why can't my husband see that by giving her all her freedom back without any consequences...is asking for trouble...on top of all this she really likes an 18 year old. My husband has layed down the law there...or at least thinks he has...I just think he is asking for big trouble. Thanks for the ideas!!
    cindymay

    Answer by cindymay at 4:33 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • He should lay strict rules for now on she blew it now she will have to face the consequences.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 4:35 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Your stepdaughter is going to have to prove to you through her actions that she deservesyour trust.  This will not happen over night it will take some time.  As for your husband, this is his daughter and he is doing what he feels best.  Your husband needs to respect your feelings in this matter because you are apart of the girls life.  Talk to your husband of your feelings, try not to allow his daughter ruin your relashionship.

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 4:47 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Time will tell if she learned from her mistakes.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:43 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Well, I am having the same issue here. My 14 yr old did some things that were not on even in the same universe as "good choices". She had a few more freedoms and less accountability than I would have liked, but I let her have the benefit of the doubt...wrong thing to do! She broke our trust and though we did not berate her or condemn her or even scold her, we did have a long chat about our relationship and what was missing and we did remove her freedoms from her. No cell phone, no myspace, no Im, no email, no friends, no nothing. We did this for 3 weeks and she came to me and asked what she could do to earn her cell phone back. I gave her a short list of 3 things. She agreed to all 3 and now she has that back, but she does NOT have the computer, friends, or anything else....I told her that I will not hold what she did over her head, but the consequences are things she created and they will remain. She seemed okay with it.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:25 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • i agree with admckenzie
    etiheidas

    Answer by etiheidas at 9:38 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Way to say and do it momofsaee
    cat4458

    Answer by cat4458 at 7:46 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • they earn the trust back when they do what they are told. how would he not see that. he must be an idiot or a push over. he hasn't seen the effects of his reasoning until she gets completely out of hand. too bad he isn't working with you on this. you both should be on the same page. he should back you up.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 3:54 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

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