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12 Bumps

I caught my teenage son in bed with his girlfriend

He is 18 she is 16, I didn't even know he was home (his car was in the driveway but since I didn't hear anyone when I came in, I thought he had gone out with a friend). I walked in his room to drop off his laundry and there they were. Luckily I didn't walk in during the sex but they were in bed naked so yeah, it was obvious what had gone on. I had no idea what to do, I just walked out. He took his girlfriend home and came home. I sat him down to talk to him, I asked how long they had been having sex, he said about 3 months but he told me he had to tell me something. She is pregnant. I don't know what to do. She lives with her dad (her mom died) and they are going to go tell him tomorrow. He said that she is pretty sure he will kick her out or try to make her have an abortion. If he does, should I let her move in with us? They want to get married, should I let them? His plan is to go into the military, he has already spoken with a navy recruiter who told him he could sign up now and leave after graduation for basic training. My head is just spinning, any suggestions? Please no bashing, I feel like such an idiot that I didn't know. My DH said he figured they were but told him to use a condom (thanks dear) but thinks they should get married.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on Feb. 25, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Answers (39)
  • Boy, that's tough. My daughter is 3, so I have no advice. Best wishes.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 3:34 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • I am not trying to bash because I have been there and it is awful. Does your son realize her father could have him arrested for statutory rape? Didn't you hubby know that>
    My hubby was unaware of our sons activities as was I. I handled it much worse than you but thankfully at least on that occassion they were just at the foreplay stage. I had a hissy and stood right there while Imade them dress (I do not care if you have a HO) and marched themdownstairs and drove her home and yes I was less than wonderful to her parents as well. I gave both kids equal responsibility bur made myself very clear on my feelings.
    Should you allow her to move in is up to you, I would not make any rash decisions right now. You have had a shock. I think you should suggest a premarital counselor to be sure if the actually do want to getmarried or it is hormones. It is disasterous to both to just get married and divorced. I am so sorry.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:23 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • Getting married this young is asking for trouble in the long run. Especially since your son is going into the Navy. Is he wanting to get married to her? Or is he doing the gentlemen thing and marrying her cause she is prego? IMO, if they want to get married cause they are in love, then they should wait until he gets back from the Navy. Him going into the military is one of the best things he did, and this chosen career will enable him to provide for his new family. As for his g/f's parents, I ma pretty sure they will not kick her out. They won't toss their daughter out into the cold along with their grand baby. Although, I bet they are gonna be pissed as hell! But maybe you all need to get together and discuss this whole thing. Its always a good thing to meet future in-laws. But I would be talking to your son that he should at least wait until he is out of bootcamp. Then if they decide to go ahead and get married......cont
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:28 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • I would let the dust settle before making any decisions. Let her father come to his own decisions - the chances are he'll be furious but get over it. He cannot force her to have an abortion if she doesn't want to.

    Your son sounds pretty level-headed. Ask him how he envisions the future. They must have discussed this so what are their conclusions, hopes, fears, etc.

    Personally, I'd be against letting her move in with you unless it is an absolute last resonrt. My fears would be that you would effectively become the "mom" and find yourself with all the child care resposabilities and work and it is NOT your job. It's up to the couple to figure out solutions. I'm not saying don't help, just saying that the initiative needs to come from them.

    Finally, don't rush them into weddings just for the sake of appearances. There needs to be more than a baby to make a successful marriage. Give it a bit of time.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 4:32 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • "I am not trying to bash because I have been there and it is awful. Does your son realize her father could have him arrested for statutory rape? Didn't you hubby know that"
    No he can't, in our state, as long as the older person is under 24 and the younger person is 16 or older it is not statutory rape
    Michiganmom, I did talk to him about getting married I told him he has to help provide for the baby but he does not have to marry her at first I suggested them waiting to, but he gets more money in the military for being married and since he wants to marry her anyway, it makes more sense to do it sooner rather then later. Also, this way if he isn't here when the baby is born he will automatically be on the birth certificate, if they are not married, he has to be there in person to sign it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:44 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • >>cause then they will be able to live in base housing. Also, if they are married, she would be able to be on your son's health plan the govt gave him.
    Does your son realize her father could have him arrested for statutory rape? Didn't you hubby know that?"
    It depends on what the age of consent is in the state OP lives at. Some states have 16 as the age of consent, other are 18. Or 17 is. If the age of consent is 17, ad if her 17th b-day is 6 months from now, she would be at the age of consent. If none of this meets this criteria, then his g/f's dad can ruin any career your son may want to choose whether its in the military, or a desk job. If if he is charged and convicted on statutory rape, he will have to register as a sex offender.
    I also do not mean to scare you, but it is reality, and its never pretty.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:44 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • Opps.. OP, I just saw your comment, your were faster on the keyboard then I was! lol
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:46 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • lol yeah, I'm just freaking out
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:49 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • "but he gets more money in the military for being married"
    No he doesn't get more money being married and in the military. Base pay is base pay, period.

    "cause then they will be able to live in base housing"
    Sorry , I forgot to tell you he will have to be there for 6 months or maybe longer for him to qualify.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 5:03 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • The recruiter said he will have basic training and then tech school after that he can get additional housing allowance because he is married.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:58 AM on Feb. 25, 2012

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