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What would you have done ?

Background: BM met new husband on internet while still married. Got full legal and physical custody of SD and moved her out of state months after divorce. New husband is rich, but verbally abusive alcoholic. SD and BM do not get along with him, but like the standard of living. i.e. SD got BMW convertible for 16 bday. BM was fine until we married and began calling and bringing drama into our home-demanding money for cars and trips for SD. Now 40K tuition for SD-more than he makes a year. When he couldn't and wouldn't send the money, BM began emailing me about what a loser my husband is and making up stories about him. He quit taking phone calls from BM and broke off all communican except letters. Now she's threatening to sue for abandonment and medical bills she still has not presented to him-ever. Now SD won't talk to her dad, her half brother (his son) or paternal gma. It's been 5 months. Child support is current.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • Sorry, I know this is not the point of your question, but what is BM?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Well, if he pays his child support and that is all that is ordered for him to do by the court, then there's nothing BM can do...I would think. I think you're right to cut off communication. SD is old enough though to make her down decisions as to whether or not she wants to be in her dad's life. Sounds like some money grubbing you-know-whats. Don't worry about it. Obviously BM wants to create drama where there is none just to make herself look and feel better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • What could I do except support my husband during this stressful time. Good thing he cut off as much as he could. You two will just have to deal with what comes. It's a consequence fo the past. Hopefully, it will be dropped as a wrongful law suit if he is following the letter of the law.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 9:12 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • i think BM stands for birth mom

    Answer by marinemom05 at 1:12 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • First and Foremost... keep copies of all email, phone calls, anything that you can get on her. when the time comes it will be asked for. the law is all about evidence. bad people get off all the time due to lack of evidence. If she ever tries to sue anyone you can bring to the table documents. But please dont let it get in the way of your marriage, stay firm by your hubby.

    Answer by AmirahzMommy08 at 11:46 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • one more thing lol dont get discouraged because of the no phone calls from SD he or she may feel like they r in the middle of the situation, either that or the mother can be saying things to him or her about their father. and they may feel like they have to pull out of the situation be4 it gets ugly.

    Answer by AmirahzMommy08 at 11:50 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Well, how can she get him for abandonment when she is the one that moved out of state?Keep a record of everything, I mean everything that you can. Let her take it to court and they will see what is what. If child support is current,thats a good thing. Keep a record of his phone calls,letters,emails to her, dates , times, what was said, whether call was returned, etc. and vice-versa. Just keep records. The BM might think she can win, but thats not always the case from what you wrote.

    Answer by Kat122 at 8:48 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • The key here is that you say child support is he is doing what he is supposed to do. What was the agreement about college? Was there any agreement? Obviously, he wouldn't have to pay more than his income to put her through college, but is he willing or able to contribute something? What happened to the stepfather? If the mother and daughter are living with the step father that is the household income that the FAFSA will use to determine their estimated family contribution for the cost of college....I think that income will include the child support as part of that income. In the past, has he had a relationship with his daughter? Does he talk to her directly?

    Answer by BJoan at 9:19 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Yes, he had a great relationship with his daughter until BM began her drama of wanting money for trips and down payments for SD car (that would be in BM name). Then BM refused to let him buy SD senior pictures from the photographer (which we were previously told about). Then BM called my husband screaming and cussing for me to not contact SD anymore- I emailed SD about wanting to mail her birthday gift to her (I had crocheted a blanket). The communication problem began when BM gave SD a lie detector test and my husband couldn't talk BM out of it. SD passed but started not taking his calls all the time. Then when the drama started a few months after that, and he quit taking BM calls, SD quit communicating. SD is in the middle; BM holds the cards as far as SD new car,spending money,40K a year tuition SD wants to attend, and trip to PAris this summer. Yes, it's all about money and control.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • If he is doing everything that the court has ordered then you have no cause for worry. ALWAYS keep records of money that has been sent and for what. Your DH does not have to pay anything above what is ordered, that is what the child support is for, to cover his DD expenses. If she wants to take those trips and buy cars then she will have to save for them. Asf ar as the education what does the court papers say is his obligation? I would be talking to your attorney. His EX is harassing him. Also what are his visitation right? If the BM is keeping him from her then that is also cause for action against her. Under no circumstances  can she include you into this so if she is starting on you, you definely have ground for harassment. If there is abuse, even verbally, in the home it should be reported to the child protection services.


    Answer by debj49 at 6:40 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

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