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Should I Rat Her Out?

I work 2nd shift and get home around 1 Am. This morning I went up into my 13 year old stepdaughter's room to quietly put her clean laundry in there and discovered she wasnt there. Come to find out she had snuck out. I talked with her about it and she seems to regret doing it, though she won't tell me exactly what it is she was doing. I am worried about her. She has begged me not to tell her dad because she says he will flip out. Which is true he will. Not in an abusive way or anything, but he will most likely be quite harsh. She has a big school dance and sleepover this weekend that she has really been looking forward to going to. Add that to the fact that my hubby's big 3-0 birthday is this week and I hate to ruin it with this news. I am not sure what to do, should I delay telling him or what would you do in this situation?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • Im 17 and I have snuck out before as well. Fathers are always more strict. I think you should tell her dad because she doesnt deserve to go to the dance or the sleepover. She needs to learn her boundaries and ny you not saying anything is not going to help her to learn her boundaries. You should be able to trust her and by her sneaking out, that shows that you cant trust her. She needs to earn that back. I regreted sneaking out and I definatley got punished from my homecoming dance. I can honestly say I never did it again.

    Answer by sweetpea808 at 3:37 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • What could a 13yr old girl be doing at that time in the morning? Well, it's not good. There is nothing to do at that time.....except get into trouble. I just think she's working you because she knows you'll give in and plus she wants to attend the dance and sleep over. She doesn't regret what she did....just that she got caught. Guarantee this will happen again and hopefully she will make it back home safe. I don't agree with not telling the dad.


    Answer by Southerncharmes at 9:25 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • It is not good for her to think that you and your husband keep things from one another. I would tell him.

    Answer by Mishelly728 at 9:25 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I agree, it sounds like you're putting yourself more in a sister role than as a parental figure and wife role. I would definitely tell your husband and let him handle it.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:31 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • 13? Sneaking out? Getting caught? And STILL not telling where she went or what she was doing??

    BUT, she says feels bad about it and doesn't want you to tell dad?

    Oh momma! You are SO getting played!

    If you start helping her hide things from her father now, you're going to be helping her hide her pregnancy before you know it!

    Answer by Laura1229 at 9:31 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • You not telling will make her think she can get away with anything. If you wait to tell your hubby that could cause problems between you and him. Besides missing a dance and a sleep over isn't the end of the world.

    Answer by MizAnn at 9:48 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I would insist sh etell you.By not coming totally clean she is playing you against her dad.When he finds out, because he will as she prolly has done it before, he will not only be upset w/her but you as well.I would say to her,"I love you and care about your choices.Do you want to tell your dad, and I will stand by your side for support, or do you want me to tell him?" if it was your child and dh didn't tell you how would you feel?

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:01 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • tell her dad.

    Answer by aliciatron at 10:21 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • The her dad, your husband and let him take it from there. We just had a girl at our middle school get pregnant. She does NOT need another friend, she needs two adults who are united. I think she is sorry she got caught and not sorry for what she did...which is obviously nothing good.

    Answer by kaystar7 at 10:31 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • You are gonna have to tell dad, this wan't some minor kid thing. What she did is dangerous, and the fact she won't say were she has been should send up red flags.

    She shouldn't be going to the dance or sleepover, she broke the trust her father and you should have with her. Reverse would you feel if you found out down the road that your dd/sd was out doing something that the other parent knew about and choose to keep it a secret when it could have been dealt with in the beginning.

    Of course she feels bad........she got caught!

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:40 PM on Jan. 19, 2009