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Bisexual Husband

My husband told me he was bi a long time ago. I took it in but I wasn't sure that i believed it. He talked alot about dressing in drag and men in a sexual manner. Then he made out with his best friend when they were really drunk and he went down on him. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if its considered cheating or what it is. All i know is that now I am very uncomfortable when he talks about his bisexuallity and sometimes I get scared that he will leave myself and our son for another man. He talks sometimes about getting a boyfriend?? What do I do?

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Angie22008

Asked by Angie22008 at 9:55 PM on Jul. 18, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • omg im sorry you are dealing with this...that is 100% cheating! Just because it was with another man doesnt mean it wasnt... I dont know what you should do...i would sit down and let him know you are not okay with this.. Hope someone else has some better advice. GOOD LUCK ((HUGS))
    mom2girliegirls

    Answer by mom2girliegirls at 10:05 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • It was cheating. Although I see nothing wrong with being bi, or gay, it does present a problem when you are married and your spouse is uncomfortable with it. I think you should explain your feelings to him, and I think some marriage counseling might help, too. I think he needs to decide what he wants, he can't expect to have you and a boyfriend, even if you were ok with his sexuality. He should, if he loves you, understand where you are coming from, and stop talking to you about it. However, you also should be prepared for the possibility that he will decide to explore his feelings further, and you'll need to decide for yourself if he does that, and then wants to come back to you, will you be willing to take him back.

    I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:19 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • Are you happy? If you are, then accept the life you've made. Let him know that you're uncomfortable. If you're not happy, then you're the only one that can do something about it. Seeking the help of a licensed counselor can help. Don't allow yourself to become a prisoner to another person's fantasy. If his fantasy doesn't include you, there's your first clue. Put yourself and your child's welfare first. Make yourself happy, make your child happy. Your husband's a big boy, he can fend for himself. I had a friend in a similar situation and she finally got the courage to stand up for herself and make her life her own. She's happier now than she's ever been, and so is her ex.

    And yes, that was cheating. Whether he was with another woman or another man, he was with a person that wasn't you, period.
    Teens-n-Twins

    Answer by Teens-n-Twins at 10:22 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • imo that is cheating. having sexual relations wiht either a man or a woman that is not your spouse or s/o is cheating. obviously you are unsure if or not you wish to continue. all i can say is that he did tell you a while back. i'd talk to him about it and let him knwo how i felt were it me, but then,i'd have kicked his ass the minute he told me he was giving some guy a blow job. bi or not, gay or not, he's still married to you. and it is what it is. if he's going ot act on those feelings once, he'll do it again. the real question here is if or not you are willing to live with it.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 10:26 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • i am sorry that youre in a such an unfortunate situation which really sucks,by the way. but i believe that it would be in your best interest to get out of it. it sounds like your husband is questioning his sexuality still and that is unfair to you and your child. and hopefully he is not acting on those um, desires i guess for lack of a better word. but keep your head up and do what you think is best for you
    sweetandpetite1

    Answer by sweetandpetite1 at 10:27 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • WOW!now the crazy thing about the whole situation to me is that your biggest worry is that of him leaving u for another man? that is just plain crazy that that would be your biggest worry. can u honestly still look at him the same knowing that he cheated/went down on another man while you were married? isn't marriage suppose to be sacred? obviously your not all he needs to make him happy. if you ask me u are fighting a battle that you will never win. why do you choose to stay and put up with that? is your self-esteem really that low, that you feel you and your son need that type of man to make your life complete and that you would allow him to jeopardize your health by living an unhealthy life style (by cheating period.?) truthfully, i think you need to re-evaluate your marriage and ask yourself if do you in deed really deserve better for you and your son. and i think you'll be surprised at the answer you come up with.
    juzcreepin

    Answer by juzcreepin at 10:30 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • He cheated. Simple.
    Zoann

    Answer by Zoann at 11:18 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • Wow, how crazy, could you tell that he might have had those feelings when you first met or got together?
    LindsayBrashear

    Answer by LindsayBrashear at 11:58 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • My boyfriend is openly bi as well, and has done that too! However, he doesnt talk about boys that way...its the GIRLS he talks about. I know just how you feel. Tell him that you are trying to accept his bisexuality (be honest), and tell how it makes you feel when he expresses himself. If you want him to stop, tell him. Tell him it hurt you that he went down on his friend...(I, however, liked it, but he has to ask first) Be brutally honest without hesitation. He needs to accept that. If he cant, then you need counseling, or...well...tell him to find a boyfriend if thats what he wants, but leave you out. Hes with YOU.
    briyeti

    Answer by briyeti at 12:00 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • I agree with the above posters, it is cheating. He did it behind your back. But, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one who was bi and wanted a girlfriend and he said no. You would be cutting off a part of yourself. You two need to sit down and talk about this. I am bi and married, I have a girlfriend. We have an open marriage so that I am not cutting off a part of myself and he can see other women, if he so chooses (he hasn't yet). If you aren't willing to give some compromise, you are forcing him back into the closet. You are only thinking about your own comfort level. Can you imagine how difficult this was to tell you about in the first place? You two need to work it out together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Jul. 20, 2008

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