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My husband keeps checking on his ex--by computer--wants to know what she is doing--how she is doing--should this bother me?

We are married three years--we have children together-but he keeps wanting to know what she is doing--she is also remarried....why does he always have to check on her--it makes me somewhat uncomfortable that he cannot just let her go on...I do not check on my ex at all. I am in this life and committed should this all bother me? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • You need to trust your instincts. If it bothers you, then you have a right to be bothered. Personally, I think that is an unhealthy infactuation and he has some issues to work out. It would not be okay with me.

    Answer by hgibsonorc at 10:48 PM on Jan. 19, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Yes, this would bother me too. Why should he care what she is doing? I'd be concerned. You should tell him he needs to get over it.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 11:03 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • yeah sound like he still has feeling for her when my husband left me and i still had feelings for him i would checkup on him via internet

    Answer by akashaismyworld at 11:04 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • anon 1055 just because he married her doesnt really mean much NEWFLASH: married men cheat too....

    OP i know if my hubby was doing that i would be more then just concerned... have you talked to him about it? what are his reasons for doing it? i bet you he wouldnt like it if u did the same with ur ex.... i would tell him you dont like it and u dont do that stuff and you expect him not too.... if he doesnt have any sneaky intentions, he shouldnt have a problem stopping...

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 11:05 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Well, I agree with hqibsonorc; you should trust your instincts first. I have some questions though. How is he checking up on her? Does he do this in front of you? Is he talking to her personally? Have you asked him why he does this and would he stop? Have you shared with him that this bothers you? Share your feelings with him and let him know this makes you feel uncomfortable. I know I have checked on my ex from time to time and it's not because I still feel connected to him, I'm just curious. I like doing research anyways and I'm nosy ;). Now if he is on the cpu all the time checking up on her and he's personally talking to her then there is definitley some things that need to be addressed. It's kind of hard to give advice without knowing all the details, so a reminder to trust your instincts and be open and honest with him.

    Answer by bobbysmom2000 at 11:18 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • He has a thing for her still. Sorry. Bummer for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • ummm okay i dont know how to put this, but when i first got with my husband i CONSTANTLY checked on my ex because i was still madly in love with him.... of course i did it in private and he never knew. im over it now and i dont do it anymore of course

    Answer by aliciatron at 11:32 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Sounds like either he's still in love with her and isn't ready to let her go OR she hurt him really badly (such as cheating on him) and he's trying to see if she's still doing the same thing to others. Or.... and this is another possiblity... are there children involved? Maybe she's involved in something illegal and he's trying to keep tabs on her for the kids sake.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I feel you have every right to how it makes you feel. If it makes you uncomfortable or feel bad..its ok to feel that way.
    His committment is to you. Nip that in the backside now. You need to talk to him..very seriously. I would tell him exactly how it makes you feel and remind him that he is married to you now. Who cares what she is doing. Get down to the nitty gritty as to why he is doing it. Its time to let go...Lets move forward and leave that behind. Once he is able to do that for whatever reason he is still checking in on her, both of you will feel better and stronger in your relationship. If he cant stop then I would give an altimatem. Don't ever doubt what is ok for you....I have learned being married to my darling husband that I have to lay it out for works.

    Answer by Momforhealth at 11:51 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

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