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how can i get my child thru a divorce when her dad has moved in with some woman he met on myspace a month after we split.

Husband and I got separated early Dec and he said he was stayn with his uncle. He was going to take our daughter to O.C. for the weekend, turns out he moved in with a woman he met on myspace a few months ago and brought our daughter there. I think it was unfair and selfish for him to do this when everything is so fresh in my daughters mind, she is only 5. Then my daughter couldnt fall asleep tonight because she was sad and crying that she missed this girl, that did hurt me. But I can get over that, my problem is that he did this so fast that how many times is he going to do this to her. I wouldn't let my daughter meet who I was dating or whatever until I knew things were serious, and never after a month separation. How do I help her deal with this?

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melissap463

Asked by melissap463 at 11:34 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (48 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You won't like the answer.... but help her to embrace the changes. If she likes this new friend, then let her. She's too young to fully understand the dynamics of everything that's going on... she just knows that daddy has a friend and she likes the friend. You are not going to be able to control what he does (but in some states there are stipulations you can put in the separation papers)... anyhow, if you start trying to make her understand something that she isn't capable of understanding you're just going to confuse her. just my opinion. I mean; which would you rather your daughter think: Daddy is a bad man cuz mommy says he is wrong (which is all negative all day) OR I have a new friend who likes me and plays barbie with me (not negative). Just seems right that allowing her to adopt the positive, however she can digest it, is probably best.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 11:45 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I simply would not allow it after knowing what you do now. Your daughter is going through a lot of changes right now, and someone new into the picture is only going to make your image worse, she will see you as the discipinary mommy instead of the fun one.. I cant believe he would do that to you.. what a dick. . For right now, she just needs you and your security. Tell him to get his business figured out, and when he does he can spend time with his daughter and without his new girlfriend
    armywife0506

    Answer by armywife0506 at 12:31 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • i agree with armywife. He can't keep his FBuddies away form your daughter, he doesn't need to be around her.
    chyna_doll

    Answer by chyna_doll at 1:41 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • well she isn't his Fbuddy, they live together. And he could do this a million times or non at all, marry this woman and live happily ever after. I will tell you what I know and have seen from working with kids through things like your going through now. As long as you are the loving, carrying, understanding mother you were tonight, not speaking badly of anyone, and allowing her to forge relationships, even if they wont last, but also being there for her if the person should go away then she'll turn out to be a happy, balanced child. Capable of handling anything because her mom was the same.

    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 2:42 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I have to say I agree with armywife too, he is being totally irresponsible by doing that so soon after you guys had split up, does he not realize that young children get attached very easily and what happens when they decide to break up and she gets hurt again?

    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:43 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Well, it is not right for him to introduce her so soon, but now you have to deal with it and what will benefit her more than having you as the stable force in her life? Be supportive of her....be reliable and stable. Try not to make her feel guilty for liking this woman....and try not to worry more than you have to. Just trust yourself to deal with what actually arises.....and know that you will be her mom and you will be a good mom and she will be okay.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 10:14 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

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