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Can anyone suggest a weekly schedual for shared placement(60/40)?

My husband is demanding 50/50 placement immediately after moving out. I don't think that the kids will adapt well to his new involvement. They just received the news about our divorce and I suggested a gradual increase in overnight stays. My daughter is 13 & my son is 10 with Asperger's. My husband wants them 2 days on /2 days off alternating weekends. That is too many transitions during the school week. I was confused trying to keep it strait. I want 60/40 or 70/30 during the school year. Any suggestions on a rotating schedual? Examples? I don't know why this is so hard to figure out. My brain is overloaded with other divorce issues and keeping emotions in check, the simplest of tasks are dumbfounding.


Asked by ErikaJ. at 1:52 AM on Jan. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • I agree that a gradual increase is ideal. It's nice that he wants to have the so often though. I do agree that they need to have a more consistant schedule during school nights. In the summer time though there are more opportunities for longer stays.
    I'd hope that your husband realize that the kids did not choose for you 2 to get divorced and should not have their lives totally upturned due to it. I'm sure you have seperated for a reason and good for you being strong enough to do that. While it may be harder on you what about having alternating weeks at each house? That way things are consistant through the week. Good luck to you.

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 10:28 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • A friend of mine and his ex do 1 week with him and then 1 week with her, but their kiddo is only 3, so there isn't school to worry about yet. My little bro had to rotate houses, he did school weeks w/ us, then went with his dad every other weekend, every other holiday and 10 weeks in the summer. I think it's all about finding something that works for your family, and it may take a little while to find it. Btw, 2 days on/2 days off w/ alternating weekends is confusing, and would be crazy to keep track of! JMO thou.

    Answer by britngavin at 5:44 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • My first question would be do you have a lawyer. I know that with my girl friend she has her DD Monday and Tuesday and her ex gets the DD on Wednesday and Thursday and that they alternate weekends.

    It does sound like this might be to much for your children right now. It might work for you DD, but not for your DS. I really think you need to get the courts involved. That way you are not having to figure it out and it will be in writing so you EX can not argue with you about it.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:35 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • A friend of my sons does 1 week at each parents house, they switch on Fridays the kids are now 12 and 15 and have done this for a number of years. I agree with you switching every 2 days would be a bit confusing and hard on the kids.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:54 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • My kids did the mandatory minimum visit and then went out to dinner with thier dad two days a week. That way they kept the bedtime, get ready for school routine but their dad picked them up from day care when he got home from work and spent the evening with him. Once they got in the groove it wasn't so bad except that they didn't want to go ever. My oldest has Autism Spectrum Disorder and the choas at dad's was just too much. Since he didn't want to go his brother didn't want to go alone. Take this up with the court. Your kids are old enough to have a say in what they would prefer and you may be able to get some of your son's therapists to help in the situation and testify as to what would be best for your child. That's what is should be about. I wasn't so lucky since my ex dug in his heals and wanted to be selfish but your kids are older so you may have an advantage.

    Answer by t3dragonflies at 9:31 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Would your DS's doctor or therapists be willing to write a letter to the judge explaining that this type of arrangement would not be good for your DS? I don't have any experience with this, but I have an ASD child and I know he could not handle this environment. Perhaps if your ex is truly wanting to see the children during the week you could set up meal times with him during the week. I wish you luck.


    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:13 AM on Jan. 20, 2009