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Ladies, I'm so confused, I need some serious advice

My daughter is 11mos. My fiance is 44 and I'm 29. I work, he doesn't and she's goes to daycare. Fight after fight, I always loose - which costs me 1K a month! Things like this are the norm at my house which turns into a mess (by him) which I'm expected to clean up when I come home, along with dinner, laundry, home businesses, etc. I can't take it any more. I'm miserable. I never see my friends and i'm falling out of love with him. Love him because he's her dad, but there's no physical attraction. My parents are trying to get me to leave (1+yrs..) HOW? How do I do that wihout ruining it for my daughter? We can't continue to fight the way we do...he's killed my spirit. Mental abuse is what I've termed it. Who tells they're financee she's gotten fat? Who turns off the heat on the pregnant girl? Or puts the dog before the baby? My finace...Please just be kind with your answers, I'm a mess :*(

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Jul. 18, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • Pick up your keys, your daughter, get in your car and drive away. Your daughter will be fine. You will be fine. Why stay there and put up with that? You're worth more than that. You are a woman and that mydear is your best asset.

    Answer by Teens-n-Twins at 10:38 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • want whats best for your daughter right? Then get the hell out of there...that kind of life style doesnt seem healthy for her! OR YOU!!!! Love is a wonderful thing..but not at the expence of your happyness and your spirit...because soon your daughter is going to be able to tell whats going on around there SOON.. and she's going to loose her spirit to :( i feel for you i really do but the best advice i can give you is get out of there!!!

    Answer by Sweet_nothings at 10:44 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • Call your parents and ask for their help. It's time for you to leave. Thankfully, you are not married yet. Your daughter will me ok, if you are ok.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • Your parents are on the right track. As far as ruining things for you daughter, here's what you'll ruin for her if you stay:

    1. She'll never see what a loving relationship looks like.
    2. She won't grow to expect accountability in the men she dates.
    3. She won't understand that in marriage 2 people make a serious commitment to the family's growth: spiritually, emotionally & financially.
    4. If hubby continues to demean you she'll learn that's okay too.

    It sounds like you really don't need him at all. I bet you'll be surprised at how much money you have when you leave. Good luck.


    Answer by Gotoyourmoms at 10:45 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • Thank You! I've been struggling with this for months now and I thought I'd bounce it by the girls to see if I'm on track. I think I do well for her. She always has clean clothes, a warm bed and food in her tummy and a few toys to play with. I'm scared to death to try to leave. He's divorced (a really bad divorce) and has a 16yr old daughter. He said he'd kill me if I ever left him...I know he's joking, but who says that? Seriously, who says that to someone they 'love'? I've watched him beat our dog to the point where I'm in tears getting in between them...he almost stepped on the bird because he 'got out of line' too. I don't leave him with my baby for long because I'm nervous there too. I know what I need to do, and what I want to do, but how do I do it? I'm afraid he'll try to commit suicide too. He's not a bad guy...he just has lots of issues I can't handle anymore. I don't want to either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • sounds like a familiar situation. 1 that i dont wish upon anyone. get out quick fast and in a hurry. i am sorry but i dont consider any man that doesn't work a man and as long as you allow him to do the things that he does and says to you , he will continue to do so. a man can only do what you allow him to do. why should he change if he don't have to. if you ask me he is just along for a free ride. you and your daughter deserve so much better. obviously you don't need him for any financial reasons and really he is just a burden to you and your daughter. she is sooo young yet, that it will not have that great of an effect on her to not have him in the household, but just think of all the damage that can and will happen to her and her SPIRIT if you keep this jerk around. good luck and remember you are not just living for yourself anymore you have a daughter to think about now.

    Answer by juzcreepin at 11:01 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • well before you run away think,I done that and now my son ran off to his father who he dont even know and im the bad one?I am paying for his mistakes.

    Answer by lawla at 11:11 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • honey its not that hard he is trying to hold you down because of the age diff you ned to take a good look at your daughter and yourself but look at her first what is good for her she will understand when she is old no matter what you deside but if it were me his @$$ would be out on the curb you pay the bills yo run that house and if he is home when you are at work why is she at day care he sounds like a deadbeat dad say bye bye and get him out for you and your daughter

    Answer by chopperchic1012 at 11:14 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • whenthinking of your daughter REWALLY think of her. Do you want her to grow up ina mentally abuseive enviroment? Is the way you're being treated something you want modeled for her? The answers are your answer. Mom and Dad souns supportive ask for their help if needed. A 44 yr old who isn't working and won't watch his own daughter needs to grow up.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:17 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • The good thing is your not married yet, so get out!!! If it is like this now it will only get WORSE and WORSE, sounds like he wants someone to slave over him, not a partner or a wife!

    if he isnt working why is she in daycare and why are all the responsiblities on this what you want for the rest of your life, to look after someone and wait on him hand and foot 24/7 with nothing in return!

    i think you know what you need to do and you and your daughter will be fine, your not alone you have support of your parents, many women have to do this same very thing without any support.... Good Luck with everything!

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 11:24 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

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