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How can I make my marriage better,..please help

So I don't know whats wrong, things seem ok most of the time, but then there are times I just know something is missing, we both love each other, I know that, but I guess that spark is just not there all the time anymore...is it just because we've been married for 5 years? The intamicy is great, but we don't communicate well, he'd rather look at his beer bottle then me most of the time when he gets off work, I know hes tired but come on! I don't want to lose my husband, we have a beautiful family, I can't imagine my life with out him, but then again sometimes I could when he acts like a drunk jerk....is there a way to fix this? Is there a way to make it better? Is it just me??? I feel like everything is my fault, when he gets mad at nothing, its always my fault somehow according to him...ugghh...ok well if anyone has answers please inform me...



 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:05 AM on Jan. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Marriage has a kind of ebb and flow to it. The high passion will appear at times, but it's impossible to maintain that all the time. I wonder if you are doing a lot of talking to your husband about your disappointment in this area. If you are, he is overwhelmed because he can't make it happen any more than you can. Some days there is a sameness about marriage. It should be comfortable and enjoyable. If the drinking has increased, he could be just trying to deaden the pain of not being able to be exciting all the time. The blaming you for everything is a hint that this may be at least part of the problem. Try complimenting the positives and ignoring the majority of the negatives and see if that helps your case any.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:10 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Communication is always key (gosh I sound like some odd therapist..) but it's true, if you want to make this better then you need to talk to him about how you're feeling and see how he responds to that. If it helps write down all the things you want to talk about before the discussion and then you can present your points clearly and hopefully not sound harsh about them since that may set him off. If not you could always try marriage counselling since it sounds like you both still love each other just need a little help getting back on the right path. Good Luck honey.
    HNK11

    Answer by HNK11 at 8:13 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Agreed...communication is key. Does your husband have a drinking problem? If so, that might be the first thing you need to communicate about. Good Luck
    ANGIE409

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 8:25 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • first of all, it doesn't sound like your the problem, at least not to me. it sounds more like he is going thru something. have you tried sitting down and just talking to him? not talking like "i have a problem and i'm going to fix it", but like calm i'm worried about you, you seem upset all the time. and try telling him what you just ask here, "something isn't right, it feels like your mad all the time, we have a beautiful life here and i love you". maybe he feels the same thing but doesn't know how to talk about. if all else fails maybe talking to a third party would be good, a counselor or even your pastor. good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Try a monthly date night. Sometimes it is difficult to communicate with children in the house without interruption and even be romantic with your busy everyday life. Sometimes just getting away the two of you for even a dinner and help spark communication.
    maddiemygirl

    Answer by maddiemygirl at 9:09 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • IF alcohol is the issue, it will only get worse. Only you can look at the situation and figure out what is really going on here. Do you think you can address it by planning date nights and having fun together or is the issue the beer?
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:39 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • My issue is the beer....it changes him...he doesn't see it and just gets mad if I ask him not to drink, he has slowed his drinking down, but it seems to be picking up again......I love him but I cant watch him do what I watched my whole family do...alcholics make up my family, nothing good comes from it....I love him so much, it brakes my heart everytime I see him walk in the door with a beer in his hand, and now hes drinking on his lunch break everyday...that doesn't help anything, just makes him want more when he comes home!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

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