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How can I overcome my jealousy?

I have been dating my boyfriend for about five months now and I just can't get over my jealousy issues. He's open with me about watching porn and which Hollywood girls he thinks are hot. I understand that guys are pretty much ruled by their penises, and this is just something they do, but it certainly doesn't help my self-esteem. The other problem is the close contact he keeps with his ex. They call each other and chitchat occasionally, and he even goes to her house sometimes. Last night, he came home from returning movies and was on the phone with her. When he got off, I asked if it was her and he said no. So I asked who it was, and he said " a friend". I asked once more if it was his ex, and he finally admitted that it was. He insisted that she had called him, but it seems like she always calls him when he's out, away from me. I've tried talking to him and telling him it upsets me, but he just gets mad.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:13 AM on Jan. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Ultimately if he loves you and this bothers you then he will stop talking to her. His ex is his EX for a reason. If they are still talking SOMEONE still has feelings of some sort. (This is spoken from personal experience.)
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 8:16 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • NightOwlMama- That is what I think, that one of them still has feelings for the other. He insists he's over her, but you made a good point, that if he really loves me and wants to make me happy, he'd let her go. Should I tell him this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Agreed. This situation becomes a vicious circle pretty fast. It bothers you, you tell him to stop, instead of stopping he lies, then you don't trust him which makes you even more jealous, etc., etc., etc. I'm not one for giving ultimatums so as far as I see it, you have two options.

    1. Break up with him and find someone who really cares about you.
    2. Keep your jealousy issues to yourself...as long as he continues to be honest with you.

    Good Luck!
    ANGIE409

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 8:21 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Maybe his EX is doing it on purpose could be she don't want him but don't want anyone else to have him either.I would let him know how you fill about it and if he really cares about you he will stop it if not send him packing,this is not a good way to start a relationship anything you have to chase or be jealous over isn't worth haveing.God luck
    mom2fivekids579

    Answer by mom2fivekids579 at 8:32 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • You have to put your foot down on this one! If it makes you unconfortable then he shouldn't be talking to her, I mean how would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your ex called you everytime you walked out the door....If he love you, he will stop contact with this girl. If he gets mad when you bring it up its obious he still has feelings for her if there not still involved with each other.....sorry your going through this hun, if you wanna talk send me a messege...I'll listion......Men can make things so difficult!
    HappyWifeNmom

    Answer by HappyWifeNmom at 9:17 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Thank you all for your answers. HappyWifeNmom- I told him he would be feeling the same way if my baby's daddy got his act together and came back into her life. His response was that he'd be more mature about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I don't think you should overcome your jealousy---I think you should be jealous in the sense that he is doing everything he can to make you jealous! You would be crazy not to be jealous. That being said, jealousy is a negative emotion so I know you want to eliminate it from your life. Stand up for yourself wih him....maybe he is used to you just putting up with it. If he won't adjust his behavior, he is telling you he doesn't care about your feelings. Maybe your jealousy is telling you something here....
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:37 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Im going to tell you from experience with "the ex" that since you two are only dating I would END it NOW. You are ALWAYS going to have to put up with his ex,"if" he tells her to stop calling this could make her feel like a little crazy b*tch and start messing with you guys all the time.Me and my husband have been together for three years and ever since we have had sooooo many problems with his ex. She has done some crazy things.I love my husband to death but if I would have known how it would be with his ex I would have broke it off in the begining.They DONT even have kids and she is nuts. But mabey thats just my situation. But he should have more respect for you not to talk to her. If you stay with him and he keeps it up,talk to one of your exex....eye for an eye
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Why do you even want to get over it? Get away from him, instead, and stay as far away as you can get. It is not true that men are ruled by their penises. Whoever told you that told you a lie. There are all kinds of signs in this dude that tell me he is no good for you. Tell him he can have his porn and his old girlfriends and all the rest, but he won't be having you because you deserve better and you are going to have better. And smile when you tell him.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:15 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • it sound like one of them still have feeling for each other, i know because when i'm away from my boyfreind i call my ex husband because i still love him care for him and have feeling for him and this sounds about the same
    Ericaamor

    Answer by Ericaamor at 9:53 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

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