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Hes so controlling and mean, SOMETIMES. Help

I've been married for 4 1/2 years, hes a hard working and loveing man when he wants to be. But sometimes he treats me like I'm a peice of dirt, and aometimes I feel like I mean nothing to me. He can say some really hurtfull things, and do really hurtfull things. Hes never cheated that I know of. But he can be very controlling sometimes, I no longer have the friends I once had, hes managed to scare them all off, if I'm a little later then he thinks I should be from work he snaps...the littlest things set him off and even when I try my hardest not to upset him somehow I still do. Sometimes I could look at him wrong and he snaps...Theres a guy I work with that treats me like gold, I could never cheat and he knows I'm married, but he just makes me feel so good about husband doesn't really do that anymore....I can't imagine leaving my husband, what do I do?? ......lost and confused in this game of love...


Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on Jan. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • My sister was in a physically abusive relationship and they do isolate you from your friends and family. Being the caring family member is very difficult. Please reach out to your friends and family they want what is best for you. She left him a couple times and went back, but is not with him now. He promised to change every time and never did. They say that unless he gets help it only gets worse. I would definately look at your options now before it gets worse. If you are anything like my sister, it is worse than what you let on. Please just take care of yourself and dont believe him when he puts your family and friends down. You are special and no one deserves to be in an abusive relationship. You can never make a man mad enough to abuse you. It is not your fault!

    Answer by AuntB23 at 10:15 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Don't start thinking about the guy at work....that is just a diversion from reality. The reality is the life you have with your husband, and whether or not he is too controlling and potentially abusive, or if you are now focusing on the negative things about your husband because you want to think about this guy at work and feel justified doing it. If your husband is abusive, you need to deal with that. Is he dangerous? If he has isolated you from your friends and family that is a dangerous thing. I think you should figure out what to do about your husband without considering the nice guy at work.

    Answer by BJoan at 9:32 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • It's not that he beats me or anything, but he has hit me before, hes drug me around, thrown me, pushed me...miner injuries, most were probably my fault, I should know what sets him off by now....we both have our own issuses, I mean who doesn't right? I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • You need to take control of those areas of your life that he has taken from you. For instance, in the area of your friends--contact some of them and make a date for lunch. If you can't afford to go out, invite them to your house for peanut butter and jelly. I'm not telling you to take an "in your face" attitude toward him. You should be respectful but determined to take back what is yours. Every woman needs lady friends. Also, you probably know by now some of the things that will always set him off. If it's something you say, try rewording it. If it's something you do, try doing it another way. Just be determined to keep your will and not give up everything just to make him happy.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:03 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Im sorry but if he has hurt you in any way and then isolated you from your friends, then that is dangerous. You say he has pushed you and gave you minor injuries, well that is not okay. That is a major controll issue that you shouldnt let get any worse. If he is already harming you verbally and physically, then it could escalate to something a whole lot worse. If he is anything like you said then he has probably manipulated you into thinking that what he has done is okay. If you want to try to keep things together with him then you should try sitting down and talking to him about how you feel about his outbirsts and if he doesn't respect your feelings, then he is not willing to change and quite possibly wont. keep an eye out for those red flag warnings (pushing, shoving, ...)

    Answer by PhlyLuvzOwain at 10:30 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Also, If he has little tolerance for certain things and you think you may have set him off, DOES NOT make it right for him to do those things, no matter how much you blame yourself and think its your fault. Its not your fault he needs anger management.

    Answer by PhlyLuvzOwain at 10:32 AM on Jan. 20, 2009