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Any ideas to help me get to know my step daughters more?

I am going nuts here trying to bond with them. It's like each visit to their moms they come back hating me more. I try and try, but each time they come back from their moms visits they have more attitude towards me. I have been good to them, I feel discouraged.

Any ideas that I could do WITH THEM or FOR THEM to get them to trust that my role as step mom is precious to me for them. Telling them has not worked.

I need a shoulder to lean on.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Jan. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • message me and I can give you some advice that has worked for me...
    KylonsMom

    Answer by KylonsMom at 10:55 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I am so sorry you are feeling this way! I am a step mom so I know all about sd. How old are they!?
    KylonsMom

    Answer by KylonsMom at 10:54 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • take them out and spoil them, the way to a teenage daughter's heart is showering them with affection, attention and spending money on them, get your nails done together, go to their fav restaurants, tell them they are beautiful. tell them you know their mom is not happy about you but that you think she is just the best person ever (yes lie... yo uwill seem like a really good person for liking her when she doesnt like you...) never discipline that isnt a step parent's place. get them concert tickets, etc.... be the step mom you would want.... good luck it might be an unwinnable battle... idk//
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:16 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I am answering this not because I am a step mom but because I was a step daughter. They are coming back from their moms with attitude towards you probably because their real mom may be jealous and not have many good things to say about you, that are probably not true but she is probably saying them out of anger. However her mistake is saying these things in front of them period. You need to get them to a point where they respect you because it sounds to me like they are letting their mothers comments sink in, BECAUSE more than likely they love and respect her. You need to really focus on their interestes and take an active interest in those interests. What do they like to do? Shopping? Sports? Get involved! Show them you care what they like. And most importantly do not betray their trust, UNLESS the info can cause harm, drugs, ect...Good luck!
    Scoobersmom

    Answer by Scoobersmom at 4:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • C'mon. You know why they come back hating you. They're being told they HAVE to hate you, no matter what you do. You could spoil them, and then they'll be nice to your face to get stuff from you, but they'll still hate you.

    Teenaged girls are like rabid dogs. The sanest thing you can do is stand back and let them come to you.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 4:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • They are 6 and 5. Not teenagers. Sorry should have added that. LOL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

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