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I don't know what to think or do!!

My husband is a good man..he works, takes really good care of our son, he helps with chores, he's pretty responsible. He's 43 and I'm 31. We have a 5 year old. I work full time too. The problem is I feel more mature than him...I wear the pants in the house and I HATE IT. I'm sick of being responsible for everything...I'm sick of being the decision maker. I've talked to him about it time and again. We've even been to counseling. He has major self esteem issues. He's always saying things to me like, "Oh you think you know everything"..."Oh you think you're so perfect".....granted when it's in his favor he dotes on the fact that he has an intelligent, independant wife. He has anger issues. He'll flip out over the littlest things and become nasty towards me. I'm sick of it!! I don't feel appreciated!! I'm sick of him depending on me for everything too!! I want to feel taken care of for a I selfish??


Asked by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Jan. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Your not selfish you sound like your just very overwhelmed, frustrated and getting resentful towards him. The two of you need to make time for one another go to a movie, to dinner, a walk focus on his good qualities. You need to remind him that you are aware how hard he works but you want to be able to depend on him taking care of phone calls and business. Maybe you need to put it in writing what you want from him. This is probably the way he has always been it's just starting to get to you now. Maybe if you back off he will be forced to step up. Good Luck to you


    Answer by mommiedear at 5:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Continuation....He has trouble articulating himself when taking care of business...when bill collectors call the house he always gives me the phone...he can never make any move without consulting with me!! It's as if I'm the grown up and he's the child. He's a good man but I'm think he just may not be the right man for me. My son ADORES his father and I would hate for us to break up...he has plenty of good qualities but this anger issue and dependancy is driving me up the wall.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • i wish i could answer but i feel the same exact way! my husband does the exact same things, an amazingly hard worker and father but if it isnt done his way then all he l l brakes loose so i duuno either. lemme know if you find a good answer.

    Answer by mamad86 at 4:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • OMG girl I know exactly how you feel. I too wear the pants in the house and I'm sick of it myself. It would be nice to have "the man" make a decision every now and then. Honestly I don't have an answer cause i'm in the same situation but I just wanted to say You are not alone.

    Answer by LaReina81 at 4:23 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • The only thing I can suggest for you all is to refuse to "wear the pants" anymore! My SIL went throught the same thing with my brother and I told her to stop doing it and it worked! Start small though or it's going to blow up in your face.

    Answer by ashandamymom at 4:44 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • you're not selfish. you're human.
    my husband and i don't have this problem. we consult each other and then we each have our areas. he does any and all math and i make final decision on the kids. that means i have to ask if its okay to get this or that sometimes, like can the budget handle this? and he backs me up when he tells hte kids they can go play and i say are your rooms clean? before they get out the door.
    my advice, find your happy medium. and give him some responsibility. think teenager.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 8:41 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Why do women always try to change their man after they're married? Or worse yet why do they marry men they don't know?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • This is most certainly not a case of me trying to change my husband...and not a case of marrying someone I didn't know. Sometimes in life situations change. It's very different (and easy) wearing the pants when you are well off financially and bills aren't an issue but when you start to struggle financially the man and wife need to come together and support one another!! We've been together for 13 years and married for 6. Like mommiedear said I am simply OVERWHELMED!

    Please don't judge this situation looking from the outside in. This wasn't the reason I asked a question here. If you don't have anything meaningful to add just go elsewhere :-)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • no your not being selfish he should respect your wishes and take care of you

    Answer by henderson20 at 6:40 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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