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Grandma issues and I don't want to disrespect.

I'm having a problem with my mother. She seems to want to take away authority from me when it comes to my kids. Is like she's the parent and I'm another kid in the bunch. When I reprimend my children in front of her she tells me not to do it and IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. I mean if you need to tell me something don't do it in front of the kids cause then they are going to think what mommy says don't count. I'm tired of her getting involved on how i'm raising my kids. I don't want to get nasty with her cause she is my mother but talking nice isn't working either.

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LaReina81

Asked by LaReina81 at 4:31 PM on Jan. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • yes, be careful, if you do as your told by your mother, she might start taking over.

    my hubby's sister did, she pretty much stole my "mother" name
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 4:33 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Sounds like me and my mom....we just had a couple of knock down dragouts....(not really) but I had to seriously put down my momma foot and help her realize that I am no longer a child and now I get to make the decisions....it has gotten better.

    It also took me a LONG time to stand on my own as a mom, I relied to much on my mom, but them my mom started taking care of my grandmother who has alzheimers and I stopped going over as much b/c she has her hands full without my loud bunch....and I have kinda grown up and that has helped more than anything.

    ARe you young? Not that it matters I just think this problem is more common in younger mothers b/c the grandmother is not ready for HER child to grow yet....Just wondered.
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 4:35 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I'm 27 years old my oldest is 8 and my youngest is 5. She's been doing this since my oldest was born and we've had our share of arguements throughout the years because of it yet she still doesn't get it. I kind of rely on her too cause she picks them up after school and we live like 10 minutes away walking distance from eachother. I don't want to make the drastic move of moving far far away but damn give me my space.
    LaReina81

    Answer by LaReina81 at 4:39 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • She may not appreciate the source (a group for retired people) but try giving her a copy of this article:
    http://www.aarp.org/life/grandparents/sharetime/Articles/a2004-01-16-grandparentsrole.html

    Sometimes you just have to stand up and say "I'M THE PARENT! THEY ARE MY KIDS!" Yes, it will ruffle feathers and she will be mad and hurt. Just like she was probably mad and hurt the first time you said "I'm an adult now and I'll do what I want." But if she is a grown-up, she'll realize the damage she is doing and she'll realize she is in the wrong - no matter what her advice.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 4:43 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • i let my mom be grandma and let the kids get away with some things when she's around. I'm very lucky that if its a major issue she lets me handle it my way.
    dle4125

    Answer by dle4125 at 4:53 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • My MIL didn't try this (thank the heavens) but my Dad and step-mom did. I put my foot down when my son was 4 1/2 months old and told them they could either respect that I was the mommy and MY rules and MY way of doing things is going to be how it's done... or they could have their time with MY son curtailed and they would NOT be welcome to come whenever they wanted to. It worked wonders. They can now see (almost 2 years later) that I'm not off in left field and what I think is right is working. AND they can be grandparents who get to spoil their grandson horribly without worrying about the discipline factor because my hubby and I take care of that.
    cat0325

    Answer by cat0325 at 5:03 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • "Mom, when you are babysitting and I am not here to deal with a situation, you can handle it how you see fit. But when I am here, I will deal with my children the way I see fit. You can either respect this or you can have less time with us. What you are doing is undermining me and making it more difficult for me to get my children to behave the way I, as their MOTHER, want them to. I don't want to have to do the same thing to you, but I will if you can't stop."

    I had to say this to my mother.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:07 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • All i can say is sit your mom down and explain to her, her role as a grandma and not a mom, as you will still take suggestions from her time to time but if she bolds over you again let her know, she won't be seeing the kids as much anymore if she can't learn to respect you as a mother!!! I had the same problem with my mother in law until recently i warned her and she smartened up, hehe.
    Queencastle

    Answer by Queencastle at 8:28 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • ask her one day out of the blue if your grandma had ever undermined her with you guys. then take it from there. tell her that you are more than happy to discuss her concerns and all about the kids because she does have more experience but you'd like to not have the kids see or hear these discussions. and make sure she understands that even though you are willing to listen to her advice they are your children and the final say will be yours. tell her, "Mom i don't want to fight with you but my kids are worth fighting with you if i have to. i hope we can work this out without a fight." good luck.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 11:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • my mom and dad is the same way they dont see me as a parent they see me as a kid and their trying to tell me how to raise my kid and they think that their her parents i just dont let it get to me and i remind them im not a kid and their the grandparents to my child and im the parent to my child
    henderson20

    Answer by henderson20 at 6:08 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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