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My heart is trying to escape my ribcage...

Daddy is trying to put 1 yo munchkin to bed tonight and is having a hard time. I can hear her crying from the bedroom. Daddy does not do this often so when bedtime hit and I handed her off the crying started right there. I know her math sleepy = mommy. Should I go in there? Gosh I feel like she needs to get used to daddy but it I swear I can feel my very soul beating at the bars of this bodily prison trying to get to my still crying munchkin...

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Nicky2911

Asked by Nicky2911 at 12:36 AM on Mar. 5, 2012 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 8 (257 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I know it is terribly hard to hear her crying, but she does need to get used to Daddy putting her down, too. If you go in, she'll learn that crying = mommy coming in = I got what I wanted.

    Hang tough. It gets easier.
    katiemomNY

    Answer by katiemomNY at 12:50 AM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • It's just what she is used to. Does he just put her in her crib or read a book or something? I don't think there is anything wrong with both of you doing it together. Mommy and Daddy. Unless there is a reason that you want to change her routine.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:39 AM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • Well honestly I sometimes can only get to the dishes and vacuuming after she goes down and it can be hard after a long day to do the bedtime thing and then get up and do everything else. If he puts her down not only can I do those things while she is going to bed but I don't feel as worn out or drowsy from it. He is currently unemployed so I have been getting on his case about doing half the work around here until (right now its is a far cry from half).
    Nicky2911

    Comment by Nicky2911 (original poster) at 1:59 AM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • If you keep going in when she cries with him it will just get worse and worse...trust me I know. I know how hard it is to hear them cry when you hand them off to daddy, but I know from experience that the older they get the worse it gets (if you keep stepping in). My DD wouldn't even allow DH to touch her when I was around until she was over a year old because of my stepping in. She would be fine with him if I wasn't around, but the second I was there she would freak out. At least I know with DS to let him cry with daddy now, because the faster he gets used to daddy the easier it will be on all of us.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 3:54 AM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • I guess your other option would be that DH does the dishes and vacuums while you're putting her to bed....
    katiemomNY

    Answer by katiemomNY at 4:50 AM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • She needs to learn to have someone else put her to sleep. If you ever want to have mommy time she has to learn. Once she does, get a sitter and go to a movie for about 2 - 2.5 hours to celebrate.
    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 6:55 AM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • It will get easier. I went through this in the opposite direction in January. I worked 5 nights a week for 10 mos. My DD was used to Daddy doing dinner, bath and bed. While his Mom was in the hospital in January I took on everything. My DD would have meltdowns at the end of her bath if Daddy wasn't home. It was horrible for me to realize that my DD would rather have had her Daddy do all of this than her Mommy. It took us a a few weeks to get back to where it was ok for Mommy to do it all. When Daddy was back at home it disrupted her routine again and it only took a few days for her to readjust. Just go with Daddy putting her to bed and let him do it. The routine won't be the same but she will adjust.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 9:44 AM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • No. Let them both work it out together. I feel the same way. I put the baby to bed nearly 100% of the time because DH is usually working at night. I have given DH tips of what I do... how tight to hold, what books to read, etc. - things that are part of the routine that might not be obvious to him. Although routine is great for kids, they do need to learn to be adaptable too... just remember, nothing bad is happening right now.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:58 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • Well he did finally get her to sleep though it was not easy on either side. I told him what my routine is but also said that it was ok for him to deviate a bit. I don't want him to limit how he hold/rocks/soothes her to how I do it. Daddy does things different and I want her to be able to handle a different person being a little different.
    Nicky2911

    Comment by Nicky2911 (original poster) at 5:14 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • Actually, you WANT him to stick to the routine she's used to. It doesn't have to be to the T but if you read a book, he should read her a book too, if you rock her, he should rock her but he doesn't have to read the same book or rock the same amount of time. You'll want to stick to what's familiar or it will only be harder for her.

    If you step in now, it shows a lack of confidence in him and she will see that. If she's really being difficult you can tag team or do it together but you have to be on the same page or she will use the crying to play you off each other and delay bedtime as long as possible.
    MamaStuart

    Answer by MamaStuart at 8:33 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

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