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he hates me

i need help with my 8 year old step son he hates me what can i do to change that and he has a smart mouth not just to me but his dad to and his is always fighting with his brother and sister who are 2-3

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Asked by chopperchic1012 at 12:46 AM on Jul. 19, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (6)
  • We might need a little more information from you for this one. Is his bio-mom in the picture? Did he just start living with you? Are the bro and sis your kids?

    Answer by feesharose at 12:48 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • hes not in the pic im the mom of the 2 and 3 year olds he doesnt live with us i dont understand he hates to come here i just dont no what to do any more

    Answer by chopperchic1012 at 1:00 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • That sounds really hard. My guess is his mom is talking all kinds of crap about you and your hubby. Otherwise, he'd be happy by now. PM me if you want to chat further, I have a step son who was 8 when we started dating. So I've been there, done that!

    Answer by feesharose at 1:32 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • Has he gone to any counseling with a licensed child therapist since the divorce? It sounds like there are some deep seeded anger issues that perhaps relate to the divorce, etc. You need to let him know that even though he may not be happy with the situation and he may not like coming over there, he does have to respect you and the others in your home and his father needs to stand with you on this one and let him know that he cannot and will not be disrespectful to anyone. I had to set my foot down with my boys after my divorce.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • He might hate your role in his life but I doubt if he hates you. Set your boundaries with him and ignore his bad behavior as best you can and keep on with your life. Give him time outs when necessary but have dad stand united with you on all disciplines. Time outs should be age appropriate followed by a discussion of why it was given. Of course if all that fails send him home to his mom and let her deal with him. LOL (sorry, as a grandmother that's what I get to do!)

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:48 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • Wow that is a loaded question. It all really depends on if he will talk to you or his dad. What do (if anything) his siblings to to provoke him? I do not think that he hates you but he may hate the fact that his mom and dad are not together. I have a 5 yr old step-son and he sometimes gets upset with me and says things like your not my real mommy. It hurts but that is when i tell him that no I am not his mommy but what I am is his friend. I know its a little bit of a different situation but I am just trying to relay my experience. I know that when I was that age if i said something like that to my step-father I got my butt busted...i do not believe in that because even though they are a child they are still allowed to have their opinion as long as it does not cross the line of respect that they should have for a elder/parent. I hope I helped in some small way. If there is anything else that you think you might need help with and want my advice pm me.

    Answer by rebel_mommy88 at 12:40 AM on Jul. 22, 2008

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