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My sister-in-law moving in she is 17!!!

My sister in law is 17 and is moving in, she has had an attitude with her parents but has not here with us. Although she is very mature for her age, she pays her bills and don't ask for anything, but she likes to hang around with older people, a boy she is talking to is 25 and I think that it is too old for a girl her age, is that wrong of me and my husband?? What rules should I lay down in a way that want make her leave?? Im just afraid that she will leave with him if she is pushed too far. What is an appropriate curfew for a 17 year old these days??? My parents were not that strict and I don't want her to end up pregnant and not going to college like I did. I need Parental HELP..... I'm 19 and my husband is 21 and we have no personal experience. I'm counting on you all to help. Thanks and I hope you can help me in this crisis............

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ILUVMYKIDSTOO

Asked by ILUVMYKIDSTOO at 5:36 PM on Jan. 20, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (10)
  • My brother moved in with us at 17 and I told him flat out. I am responsible for you now, and you will follow my rules. He had a curfew, and had to have a job. Had to pay for his room, and part of the food. If he was late coming in at night or drunk I would make him come home an hour early or say nope you can't go out. I know that sounds mean and controlling, but if he wanted to live in my house he had to follow my rules. My house wasn't a hotel, and it wasn't a hanging place for his friends. I had my baby to worry about. After he turned 18 he didn't have a curfew, but everything else was the same.
    CorCorsmomma

    Answer by CorCorsmomma at 5:43 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • She's not an adult yet, so there most definatly should be rules.

    11 o'clock on weeknights, 1 am on weekends. NO to the guy who is 25, she could be putting him at serious risk (yes he has a responsibility, but she is still making the choice). Homework and grades are to be kept up etc,..

    In the end she has to follow house rules, if she leaves she leaves, she will have to lie in her own bed.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 5:43 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Being so close in age it will be hard to make her listen to yall. Just seeing the work that it takes to raise a baby may make her realize that she doesnt want to get pregnant right now. (I am also a young mother thats struggling to find a way to go back to school--21 with a 1 yr old). With the close ages, I think you should maybe sit her down and explain to her that while you love your child, you missed out on a lot of things that she shouldnt have to miss out on by going down the wrong road- whether its sex, drugs, etc. Its hard to make education seem so wonderful and important until its you that cant be going to school! Maybe instead of you making rules for her to follow, you two can discuss together what you think is best and make rules based on that. Then when she wants to do other things you or hubby can remind her that she helped come up with the guidelines for living there and they need to be followed.
    CNsg

    Answer by CNsg at 5:49 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • This is tough especially since you are all within just a few years of eachother. I personally would think living with my older brother & his wife there would be a lot less rules. If she is responsible then that means she has a head on her shoulders. I would be more of a big sister to her, a mentor-type, than a mother-type. If you are worried about this guy tell her flat-out & try not to turn it into an argument which will make her want to leave. Just use yourself as an example if she doesn't seem to understand
    oahoah

    Answer by oahoah at 5:57 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I would set a curfew to ensure that she comes home every night. I think 11 on weekdays and 1 am on weekends is reasonable. As for the guy, if she's already dating him, and you push her too far she could very well take off with him just like you fear. I would educate her as best as you can about the age difference, not letting a guy get in the way of her goals, etc. Make sure she has reliable and consistent birth control, keeps her grades up, and maintains a steady job. You can't play a parent being so close in age, you need to play the big sister role here and spend more time advising her rather than telling her what to do.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 6:07 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • She is almost an adult, so just talk to her about self respect, values and morals. Help her get excited about her future by talking to her about what she wants to do with her future, also encourage her to go to college and maybe take her to look at colleges.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 6:17 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • depends on where you live. i live in la and in la at 17 you can move out and your parents can't make you come back.
    sounds like she is a mature girl who is carrying her weight. as long as she acts like an adult treat her like one.
    as for the guy, i was nineteen, my guy was 26. 12 years and two kids later, still married, still happy, still going at it like rabbits. age is nothing compared to maturity. plus, if you tell her she can't be with him, she will want to even more.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 7:43 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • when i was a teenager my parents went on my dates so i didnt get pregnate so try that
    henderson20

    Answer by henderson20 at 5:04 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I see nothing wrong with some rules. But remember she's not your kid. I wouldn't see anything wrong with the 25 yo simply for the reason if you tell her no she will probibly see him anyway. My advice would be go out together... She's at an age and maturity level is seems that she will be decent at making desitions. And since she is almost 18 there isn't really to much you can do to control her. Here you're legal to move out at 17. If I were you I would sit down and try to work WITH her to establish guidelines. Let her know what you would like to see and get her opinions too... Things will work out better in the end if you work together.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:19 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • it has to be hard since you are so close in age but she sounds like she knows what she is doing ..all though about the guy if you don't know him then tell her see can only see him in your home and if he turns out to be a creep tell her that she is not able to see him any moreand explain why but after a wile of him coming over and you fell comtable with them then let them go out to a movie but only on weekend school is important then the next week maybe a movie and pizza butt make shur you trust him first
    kelseymoma

    Answer by kelseymoma at 2:17 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

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