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Am i right to feel this way?

So i used the wrong kind of words to ask this question.

So me and my boyfriend just got into an argument about my son and how i dont discipline him. I dont really like spanking my son every single time he does something bad i think all three and four year old kids are suppose to behave at all times. They willl have their tantrums and all. But he thinks that i dont spank him enough. He gets mad because he thinks i let my DS run over me i dont understand how a 3 year old can do this. He says that I am not raising him right. I feel like my son is not perfect i have never said he was but he is not a bad kid his a really good kid he does listen to me and he does as he is told (sometimes) So this is not the first time this problem has been brought upt i have been with this guy for almost 2 years and i feel like he sees my son as this super bad kid who acts up every single time when its not like that. He only sees the bad that he does and my mistakes. I my self dont think im the perfect parent but who is i try to do my best when it comes to raising my DS.

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Asked by noahsmommy-010 at 2:13 PM on Mar. 5, 2012 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 10 (458 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • End it now. This relationship has no chance of succeeding long term. AND stop hitting your child its abusive and barbaric, and it hasn't fixed the problem has it? find another way to discipline your child.

    Answer by meooma at 2:16 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • i dont beat the kid && its not like i hit him every day!
    && its not like im abusing him in any way!!

    Comment by noahsmommy-010 (original poster) at 2:21 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • Are you spanking once on the butt or hitting??????

    And, I agree with meooma, end it. End it all.

    Answer by 3libras at 2:28 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • I dont know what hitting is coming out to you guys but i mean like spanking wise sorry if it was coming off as im hitting him out of anger or like beating him to the point of no return i wouldnt do that. I need to really change my words of sorry.

    Comment by noahsmommy-010 (original poster) at 2:53 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • Children come first. Period.

    And be careful when you say things like, "I hit him." Generally, hitting a chid is frowned upon.

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 2:56 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • Yeah i figured since some think im beating my kid i think i am going to go back and edit this question because i dont want people to think im a bad mommy i love my son

    Comment by noahsmommy-010 (original poster) at 3:00 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • well, i am a firm believer in spanking- thought i should get that out there
    the amount of spanking is up to you- if BF doesn't think you are doing it enough that is his problem and issue to deal with, not yours
    you know when and how often corporal punishment is going to be most effective to get through to the child

    on the other hand, the previous responses are IMHO good- when someone tells a parent they need to use more corporal punishment (as opposed to trying different disciplinary techniques) they really don't know how to parent.

    i am assuming corporal punishment isn't the only tactic in your bag of mommy tricks, but rather another tool

    Answer by feralxat at 3:45 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • This sounds like an issue of disagreement, which brings up the question of how you & your partner handle conflict. It's an important question; there are so many ways of handling or dealing with conflict. It can be healthy to work on HOW to disagree, rather than pushing "resolution" which often makes disagreements themselves wrong.
    It sounds like your boyfriend might express his feelings by pointing out things that are "wrong" with your approach (pointing out "problems" and focusing on criticizing, rather than identifying what is bothering him & expressing his issues personally.) This is pretty common & not an easy "fix," particularly if your way of responding tends to focus on arguing, or engaging what he's saying & defending it as NOT wrong or NOT bad/pathetic (so you're just arguing back & forth.)
    Parenting/being around kids brings up feelings for people. That's likely what's going on with him, but it's hard to communicate.

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:02 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • (I wanted to add that it doesn't have to be an actual "arguing" response, angry or anything. The same would apply to an attempt to the end it's a kind of debating or back-and-forth about whether or not someone's perception of the situation is right/valid.)
    It's possible your son's behavior and/or your understanding responses to the child (perhaps the fact that he can "get away with" some specific kind of behavior, or tone of voice, and that you understand it or tolerate it in the context of understanding that there will be tantrums, etc. without punishing him or trying to somehow erase these behaviors) triggers a strong feeling in your boyfriend. It is upsetting. The closest he comes to expressing what's happening is to criticize & point out what's "wrong" with your parenting.
    It sounds like you're fairly confident, so maybe instead of trying to "show" or persuade him, just let him have his opinion &do your thing.

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:29 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

  • your son comes first

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 5:13 PM on Mar. 5, 2012

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