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My friend being a not so great Mother.

One of my very close friends has a son that just recently turned 1 year old. I remember her always really wanting a baby. But I think she mistreats him so horribly, my SO and I just hate being around her most of the time because she's just so horrible to him. She calls him a demon child, says things like she wishes she could just leave him at home alone when she leaves. Once she yelled at him for throwing up... she said "Callum why the f**k would you do that to me?" Like he did it on purpose. But 2 mintues later she'll love on him and act like nothing happened. I want to talk to her about this, but she's such a defensive person and I don't want her to think I'm telling her how to be a parent.. And I feel so bad for her son, he gets so scared of her sometimes. What should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:37 PM on Jan. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Ha! Are we friends with the same person??? I have this problem with a friend too! She is always calling her children horrible names and spanking them for no good reason.

    IDK what to tell you! I often wonder what I should do too! Lately I have been slowly moving away from the relationship, because I can't stand to see or hear it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I know what you mean...My boyfriends cousin has a son...and the cousin was abused when he was little...and u know i figured if people are abused they would treat their kid good! but he calls his 1 yr old son fagget...fat...and all that stuff and the dad does it in front of people...i feel really sorry but if i say something he might go off and hit me.."he's really mean.." any who...I would try to talk to her...but if that doesn't work call children services on her! Even though it wud be really sad for them to take him away from her....and I know she's ur close friend and all but you don't want her kid to grow up being mean...or be mean to his son in the future!


    what ever u do good luck!
    nicole0709442

    Answer by nicole0709442 at 9:46 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • My sister used to do stupid things and I would make up "some lady at the store...." situation similar to what she did then when she said how stupid/ horrible that sounded I would say "I'm glad you said that because the other day you sounded like that when you...."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I think I know this girl too!!!! except shes a relative I dont really know what to tell you because Im pretty straightforward Ive told her several times that if she doesnt learn quick how to be a good mother Ill let the state handle it but unfortunately sometimes underhanded advice is the best we can hope for Id try different ways like renting vidoes on the impact of verbal abuse on a child etc and act as if its just something so interesting or soemthing maybe shell get the hint or casually mention this woman screaming at her child and calling him a demon child or yellign at him for doing something involuntary, and then turn and asks ISNT that horrible? Good luck.
    rhonda111787

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 9:46 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I would would call her on it when it happens. Say soemthing like "aww, that was mean. You think you maybe over reacted?" Or have a suggestion to give her. For example "When my son would do that I found it helpful to..." Instead of just telling her she is not parenting well, ask her to look at how she reacted. Give her helpful tricks.
    san-1

    Answer by san-1 at 9:55 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • If this were my friend I would be not be around so much and I would be honest why. As someone who grew up with a parent who called me names - it would be hurtful to watch it happen to some other child. I can only tell you why I think my mother was that way: I think she was frustrated, I think she didn't have the skills she needed to parent in those difficult times, and I think she had limited support around her. And yes, she is very defensive about how she parented me. I was called names like Mother Fucker, Retarded, Bitch, ect... and it was not a picnic. I wasn't at all a bad child. I was a child. To be honest, I wasn't even a difficult child. It was her not me. So if I ever have a friend that I see doing that cont...
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:57 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • cont...All I can tell you is that I would be honest. "I know you are doing the best you can, I know it is hard, but it hurts me to see you do this. I react to it and it hurts me to see this going on. I can't keep watching this and not say how I feel badly for you and for your child." ect.... bottom line Friend, "I can't stay around you while your like this. My door is always open but this brings back too much for me to handle right now." And then I'm gone. That is just me. That is because of what I experienced. But you have to find a way to cope. So you either bite your tongue or you find the courage, take the risk she will not like you, and say something. You have to be the one to decide if this little boy is worth that risk. Weigh this: boy's emotional well being vs. adult friendship.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:01 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • I think we all know someone like this. I tried to be a good friend - I simply tried to set an example when our kids were playing together - showing her (but NOT telling her) betters choices for disciplining her kids. Not only me, but some other neighbors as well. Long story short, kids were removed by CPS and sent to live with their bio-dads after she hit her daughter and gave her a bloody nose then refused to take the parenting classes or any other suggestions made by the case worker. If it gets too much for the children, be a friend to THEM and call CPS before learning the hard way that you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Watch out for the children and put them first...it's hard in a friendship, but the children must come first.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:03 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • call cps and a therapist on her!
    sounds like she has mental issues
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 10:04 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

  • Does she have bipolar? Her moods sound like the go up and down.
    extremelibrary

    Answer by extremelibrary at 10:32 PM on Jan. 20, 2009

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