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My son only hits me and not his daddy is there some thing wrong

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:08 AM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (10)
  • I would act SHOCKED that she hit/pinched/bit me and jump up like hot water was dumped on me, jump up, put her down, and say, "I can't BELIEVE you'd do that! That HURT! REALLY, REALLY BAD!" Then I would walk away from her, go to the bathroom, fold clothes, cook, clean- anything she didn't like me doing and ignore her for a couple of minutes. When enough time (3-5 minutes) had passed, I would rub my arm/chest/leg (wherever she hurt me) and really pout, saying, "You REALLY hurt mommy- a lot! I don't like being hit/bit/whatever. You CAN'T do that." After a few times of this, it just STOPPED happening. Best of luck.
    mommy2danica

    Answer by mommy2danica at 9:53 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • He thinks he can get away with it when he does it to you, and daddy must put his foot down more. My daughter doesnt hit us, but she is 2 and will tell me "NO" ten times in a row when I ask her to do something and if my dh says it sturnly once, she does it immediatly. I just spend all my time with her and she is so used to being babied by me, It sounds like what your son is doing.
    asholan_07

    Answer by asholan_07 at 7:00 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Just to be clear... you are not in an abusive relationship with your husband (or have any sort of abuse going on that your son would have seen?)
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 7:49 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • my 2 year old is the same way. she will hit me when she is mad. i can tell her to do something and she will ignore me but if her daddy tells her she listens right away.
    amymartinez0214

    Answer by amymartinez0214 at 8:53 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • No, nothing wrong. You're not by chance a stay-at-home mom are you? When I was staying at home, DD had started hitting and biting and pinching me. She wasn't doing it to ANYONE else. I thought at first there was something wrong, but it seemed to be that she was just expressing her frustration with me in general. I think she was growing tired of only spending time with ME- all day, every day. I started something new-
    mommy2danica

    Answer by mommy2danica at 9:53 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Oh one more thing- the important thing that seemed to get it across was that I basically showed her I did NOT want to be around her or pay attention to her or play with her or ANYTHING with her if she was going to hurt me. It seemed like it surprised her that she did something that mommy actually stayed upset about and she didn't like that at all. Usually, she gets it trouble, stops what she's doing, and it's over. With that, though, it's so unacceptable I felt like I NEEDED to stay mad so she would take it seriously.
    mommy2danica

    Answer by mommy2danica at 9:55 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • He knows from experience that you will tolerate it and "we hurt the ones we love", he's more familiar with you. If he is doing it in anger, put him in timeout. When he stops screaming/crying & calms himself down, IMMEDIATELY take him out. No hugs, no lecture/reasoning session. Keep it short. "No hitting Mama", go back to what you were doing like it was no big deal. It cuts the drama and doesn't reward him for negative behavior. It teaches him that "hitting gets me time out, calming myself down is desired behavior, gets me out".
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:17 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • (Con't) Ours has learned that when he throws a fit or bites, he needs time to calm down. The timeout is not for punishment, but to give him a chance to calm himself down. I don't know how verbal he is yet, but when they are frustrated and don't know the words to express it, they hit or bite. So now he is learning not to bite if he needs my attention, but to get it some other way. I also try to stay "tuned in" to what he needs. (Diaper, snack, drink, etc) until he is more able to tell me himself.

    PS-We used to do the 1 minute, 2 minute thing, but it allows him to scream that long. Now he calms down almost instantly. He's happy he is getting out of time out. He doesn't bite anymore. He thinks about it, (open mouth, aim) but doesn't follow-through. Hope this helps.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:18 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • PS- In regard to any abuse, That's NOT what I mean by "we hurt the ones we love". I mean he feels safe with you. Abuse in any form is wrong!!!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:23 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • In addition to other people's comments, your son sees your husband (the male presence) as a physical threat. I am NOT talking about being afraid of him or saying that your husband is scary, mean or abusive. I am just saying that the male dynamic makes it so that he KNOWS he cannot hit your husband because he is bigger, but as the female, you don't have the same presence. If it happens when your husband is around, he needs to handle it. It needs to be age appropriate, but by two he is old enough to get the point if your husband says "Don't hit my wife" and physically removes him from the situation. When he is not there, the shocked response and removing yourself and ignoring him for a few minutes will work very well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Jan. 21, 2009