Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help, My 13 yr old won't clean ?

I prohibited my 13 yr old not to stay out late after 9pm, she screams she wants to move out and doesn't clean her room looks like a pig's Den. What am I to do?

Answer Question

Asked by rn1334 at 8:04 AM on Jul. 19, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Start grounding her until it gets done. If she wants to leave the house again, she'll do it! Take away the phone too if you have to!

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 8:11 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • I too have a 13 year old who's room sometimes looks worse than a pig's den. She was my first child & her father and I are divorced now. She was not taught at a young age to pick up anything after herself. We often had the attitude that "she's too little to expect her to clean or pick that up, etc."

    I found what matters most to her is where I leverage how to get her room done. During school, it was the school dances or activities. I would not let her go if she did not pick up her room on a daily basis. I would say exactly what was expected. When it didn't happen, she lost the privelege she loved the most. It is about them learning what a privelege it is to be able to afford a trip to the movies, to talk on the phone, to have friends stay the night, etc.

    When you say do this.. or you won't get this.. STICK TO IT!
    Otherwise, they see through our inconsistency and behave worse and worse! BTW, youth group at our church has helped immensely

    Answer by luv2salsa at 8:39 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • Ground her to her room until her room is cleaned!

    Answer by ProudOhioMom at 8:39 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • I hate to say it but it is an age thing my daughter is the very same way When she's with me she's not allowed to do things unless she does what she is asked to do and I tell her that's it. I tell her it's tough love.Hope this is helpful.

    Answer by looloo72 at 9:49 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • tell her she has 24 hours to clean it up...before you go in there with garbage bags and bag up all her cloths and give them to the salvation army... tell her if she doesnt or doesnt care bout her clothes theres people out there that really need them be stern about it my mother did that with my sister and it worked great...if she doesnt believe u start bagging it right in front of her ...good luck

    Answer by dantemommy at 9:58 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • My son is the exact same way. He loves to be on the computer so I use that to get him to clean his room. He is not allowed on the computer until his room is picked up. He hates me for a while but gets over it. The key is to tell him this and then walk away so you dont have to listen to the grumbling.

    Answer by Karen_mom_of_3 at 10:39 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • We had the same issue with our boy when he was about 15, maybe 16. I told him to clean his room and if he didn’t – if * I * had to do it for him, EVERYTHING would go away and did so on the advice of his mother! He got mouthy and what-not; so I loaded his clothing into garbage bags, put them in the car trunk and told him I was on the way to the Goodwill, which is just down the street and around the corner. He was left with about maybe 3 changes of clothing, his bed and pretty much nothing else. As I was leaving with his clothing, his father kept telling him he better do something – like apologize for his behavior and lack of respect and agree to do what he was told – but in all his youthful pride, he rejected it. I didn’t really give his stuff away; I met my daughter and her boyfriend down the road, gave the bags to them and later put them in the crawl space above the garage. It took several weeks before boy-child got his stuff back.

    Answer by idahospaz at 10:40 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • I dont think she should be allowed to behave direspectuflly, but in respect to her room, I am a big beleiver that it is her room, if she wants to live like a pig, (as long as it is not really dirty and drawing bugs or anything and I do make sure there is no dishes in there) let her. If you dont want to see it close the door. You have to pick your battles and IMO a childs room being tidy is not one that is worth it.

    Answer by NorahSethsMommy at 11:04 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • oh please, a childs room is NOT their room as a previous answer was posted. If the child is a minor living under the roof you pay for, hell yes, you do what it takes to demand respect and have them obey. I do the same with my son who is 14. I can walk into his room (anytime I want-thank you very much because I pay for the roof over his head) and the odor will be horrible!! He gets computer then tv and then the final straw is his cell phone taken away until I smell roses in there. Why do I do this?? Because, it may be his room, but it is my carpet that he has stained, my walls that he may have scratched up, the clothes I payed for to put in his closet!! I will always take care of my boys--but they will understand what respect is and when told to do something, to do it!!!

    Answer by kscmbz at 11:24 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • My parents never made me clean my room. I had to put all my toys in the toybox as a kid but clothes have always been everywhere. Sadly, my bedroom still has clothes everwhere as an adult. Now the dishes were another story. Mom would take away the phone and computer and going anywhere until the dishes were done. But she would say I was grounded for a week but give up after 2 or 3 days. I think if you tell your kids something, STICK WITH IT. They'll realize that you are serious.

    Answer by BonnaVore at 12:34 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.