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What am I suppose to do in this situation?

I had a miscarriage in Sept, cheated on my DH in October with his good work friend, Well I told him and we are working things out. I love him hubby dearly, He does everything for me. But for some reason I miss talking to that other guy. I don't know if it is the butterfly in the belly feeling I like or the attention, But I called him last night and we talked for like an hour. About his life and my life. I really DONT want to cheat again but I honestly think if the situation led to it I wouldn't stop it from happening. Has anyone been in this situation or have any advise? Please don't be mean, I'm just lost. I feel like I got married and had a kid before I really found myself....and who I truly want to be....if that makes sense to you. Please everyone says the grass isn't greener on the other side and I believe that...But I just think I really miss the NEW feeling with a relationship. Any advise or help??

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I would say if you are unsure and you think it may lead to another affair that's it's time for you and hubby to split. If you want to be with someone else you have to end your other relationship first. I'm also wondering if all you two need is some counseling. I think you may be turning to this other man because of your miscarriage. Really think this through first before you react to anything on a whim.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You need to grow up. Embrace what you have & give it your ALL. You can not do that if you are fooling around with somebody else. Would you want your dh to do that to you?
    I'm not trying to be mean, been there done that. I had to grow up too. You are being like a little girl expecting the butterfly feeling to always be there. You have to CREATE that feeling with your dh. It is hard & takes a lot of work but will be worth it down the road. You are a woman now so enjoy it. If not, let your dh go so some other woman can have her chance at such a loving, forgiving dh. Then you can spend the rest of your life chasing that butterfly while they have a realistic life together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:17 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You have to be ok with yourself before you can add anyone to your life. If you can look at your life and say if you were alone you would be fine, and you wouldn't be relying on someone else for your happiness, then you know the answer to your question.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You really do need to sort through all of this.....get counseling or something because it is destructive, not only to your marriage but to your self. You say you are working it out with your husband, but what would you think and feel if the situation were reversed? This is not a good situation to be in....If you are unhappy in your marriage, you need to get out of it. It is not fair to your husband to have you looking elsewhere while he thinks you are working things out.

    Answer by BJoan at 8:42 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • This is a maturity issue. Its time to grow up and start making decisions that will promote health for your marriage and for your sense of well being. You are obviously torn by this and its not healthy at all. Lots of people get married and and have children way too young, but at some point, it stops becoming a reason and begins becoming an excuse. Its not an excuse. Once you make the choice to do that, then you do it, regardless of what you feel. Once you get married, you give up parts of that "new relationship" feeling. Your affections should be toward your husband and even though its not a butterfly in the stomach feeling, it grows into a mature deep love that you don't get with anyone else.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:47 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You have to CHOOSE it and make the right decisions that will help it along. You don't talk to other men, or confide in other men. If you open that door then its likely you will stray. Choose to keep the door shut by cutting off all contact with him and get some counseling. You need someone to be accountable to. Its not uncommon for people who wouldn't normally cheat to fall into it because they like the attention, but its quick sand waiting to consume you. Just choose to shut the door. Good luck

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:48 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Thats a decision you have to make. From a person who hates cheaters I would say leave that other guy alone. See if things can be worked out between your DH b4 playing in the sheets with another man again. The grass is not always greener on the other side so be careful what you do. This guy may be nice and all for now but what happens when you decide to leave your DH for him? He will then turn into something you may not be able to handle.
    If your still interested in him then I would say leave DH alone. Move on but don't hurt him any more then what you have. It's wrong to be honest especially if he is innocent from cheating.

    Answer by MrsTGray at 10:45 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Ok, you said you miscarried in Sept, then cheated in Oct, sounds to me like the cheating was a way to get over the loss of the baby. Maybe you liked it more than you thought and that's what's causing you to feel this way now. My advice would be to try counseling, losing a baby really messes with your head, and now you've got the cheating weighing down on you too. Talk to your DH and see if he's up for counseling with you, it shows that you're serious and that you want it to work out. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • IMO (i have been there) you are looking for the attention... you just had a miscarriage and the other guy is taking advantage of you. If your hubby is such a great guy, you need to work it out with him and leave the other guy out of it... he will only bring more pain to your life in the end. Tell your hubby how you feel deep inside, about the miscarriage, and your feelings toward him... and tell him that you love him and want to try to get over this bump, but you need his help. The grass is not greener on the other side and you have a great man from the sounds of it.. don't risk it for someone that won't give anything back to you.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:44 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

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