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My 16 yo dd.

My 16 yo dd is in high school and she has a 4.0 average and is in advanced placement classes. Up until a month ago she was excited about the spring trip we are taking to visit some colleges both in state and out of state. Well now all of a sudden because her "friends" are going to the local 2 year community college she wants to go there also. She has no interest in looking elsewhere for a 4 year college now. How would you deal with this? My dh and I have had numerous talks with her about this and of course it is like talking to a brick wall right now. I think I am just frustrated to say the least. She has so much potential to go far and we feel that she is selling herself short by staying near home and not experiencing college life and the outside world and seeing other places other than our home town.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 AM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • She is only 16, she may change her mind. I wouldn't force the issue on her, just be happy she is willing to go to College period.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • maybe she is scared yea it was all exciting when she thought all her friends were going off to college also but now she finds out most of them aren't and college life is a big thing especially in the eyes of a sixteen year old she is probably getting a little nervous thinking about being away from home and all her friends. she has time just relax and let her get over her fears.

    Answer by jodi205 at 8:22 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • The prospect of leaving her friends and going away may be scaring her, but when she sees what is available at other schools she may reconsider. Will she go on the visits anyway with an open mind, and consider doing her basic classes at the community college then transfer to a 4 year school?

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:34 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I did the same thing,at first with my daughter.Then I realized she is going to change her mind many times over 2 years. One day this and one day that. Then I thought to myself, if I want her to be independent then its her choice what and where she wants to go. All I do was get brochures, show her this and show her that, and she made her own choice. Since she made her own choice there is no way she can turn around and say it was anyone elses fault since it was her choice. So, just show your daughter good things, just get brochures, get info, etc.Let it be her choice where she wants to go, and she can never look back and say it was your fault if she chose wrong.They grow up alot between 16 and 18. If she has a 4.0 average, she will do the right thing.My daughter did, she is at a university and loving it. Let her do what she needs to do when the time is right.

    Answer by Kat122 at 8:35 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • It's a scary thought, going away from everything and everyone you knew to start over at a college that is pretty far away from the familiar. It's probably fear talking, now that the reality is starting to set in a bit. She may change her mind if you give her time. You could also try to get her to still go visit the colleges, seeing what it is like, talking to people who go there, live there, work there may help her to see it won't be as scary as she thinks and help to change her mind too. I wouldn't force her to go visit, that will only make her dig in her heels even more, but just try to talk her into it. Tell her you just want her to see all of her options so she can make a clear decision that won't leave her wondering what the other side would have been like.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:36 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Don't press her just yet. Give her some time and maybe she will re think her position. Its not all bad to attend a 2 yr college if she can get some core stuff out of the way. It gives them a chance to remain at home while they grow up a little more and have more initiative and motivation. I have always found it strange that we send our teenagers off to college at 17-18 and wonder why they flunk out so quickly or get into trouble. It does sound like your child has great potential and hopefully she will become more of an individual by the time she graduates. Shes got some time. At some point though, you have to respect whatever she chooses but don't give up on her and even if she doesn't go right after HS, that doesn't mean she can't go eventually.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:38 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I would say ok thats fine if thats what you want but why not take the trip anyway. Maybe offer to bring a friend who gets decent grades as well. Tell her whats it going to hurt to go look>?

    Answer by gemgem at 9:10 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I'd say let her go..she wants to stay close to friends and she can always change her mind later...just try to encourage her to do what she thinks is right for her. She sounds like a smart girl so she'll do the right thing for her in the end.

    Answer by mamatobe1989 at 9:21 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • she will probably change her mind before the time comes,if she doesn't be happy and proud that she wants to go to can tell her to take her basics locally but for her to think about going to another college or university to get her degree but to make sure that her credits will transfer. you can also tell her to get a job while she is taking her basics a part-time job that way she can help pay for some of the expences she might even want to live in a dorm that way she can slowly become independent and that will help you and her adjust to all the changes that are coming. BE PROUD THAT YOU RAISED HER AND THAT SHE WANTS TO GET AN EDUCATION.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • well, with her gpa like that and all she will probably be scholarshipped all the way through a two year school. and she is only 16, she may change her mind. she may have cold feet about moving away from you and her friends. i always wished i had the opportunity to go away to college. don't worry, she will probably come around or get to go for almost free.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 10:48 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

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