Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does anyone have advice for a sexless marriage??

Since my daughter was born in Sept., my husband has been completely uninterested in any kind of intimate contact. I am going right out of my mind. Of course the baby takes up a lot of our time and energy, but even when there is time and we are awake...Nothing! Additionally, there is really no intimate contact. No snuggling, hugging etc. Can anyone give me any advice?

Answer Question
 
sbrennan

Asked by sbrennan at 9:07 AM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Initiate the closeness yourself. Men are very visual creatures and sometimes they have issues seperating wife and mother. Right now he has you in mother mode. So.. get a sitter, plan a nice meal and attack your husband. GOOD LUCK!
    ceajae

    Answer by ceajae at 9:11 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I agree. You need to initiate the contact, even if it's just a stroke of the hand when you're on the couch together. My son is three months now, and sex has definitely lessened, so I understand what you mean. But ceajae is right, get a sitter and have a nice evening with him. Daddy's tend to get a little freaked out before baby gets here, they start to realize-hey this is real....and all the giant responsibilities that come with that. your hubby may be going through that now. I know this is going to sound shallow, but some men get freaked out by the amount of weight their loved one gained, (I know someone whose husband was surprised that she didn't lose much of the weight she gained during the pregnancy).
    Adeline1210

    Answer by Adeline1210 at 9:21 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • There are tons of things that you could do, (surprise dinner, initiate sex while he's still sleeping to surprise him, try to get baby on a routine so you guys have a certain part of your day together. My baby is on a rough routine and we know we can always look forward to certain hours of the day where it's just us...and usually we take advantage of that. It sounds like you may be a little overwhelmed too....don't forget to take time for just you! Maybe you're so stressed out with some things that you come off a little mean without realizing. (These are all just suggestions, I don't know you personally! lol) Ask for some help with baby, and treat yourself....then when you feel truly like a woman and not just mommy....pounce! Good Luck sweetie. Go get you some!
    Adeline1210

    Answer by Adeline1210 at 9:21 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • our marriage was sexless until my son turned 5 months old, and we didn't really have much sex in my last trimester. but it was the other way around with me cuz i was the one losing interest. if it could happen to me, then i think it could happen to your husband too. why not? in my case, the baby was in the middle of our bed, and that was kinda a turn off. try putting on your sexy lingerie, and just rub up on him, who could stand that??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I'll trade husband's with you! Mine has an insatiable sex drive and I would rather not have sex at all! You can have mine and I'll take yours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Its hard having a baby and still saying sexual LOL. Its a change. Obviously hes taking the change hard and maybe doesnt know how to act or do in as far as initiating things. I would take the advice of other moms here and do things special and initiate it yourself. If that doesnt work then sit down and talk to him about this. Its something you have to communicate about and isnt wrong to bring up. If he doesnt want to talk then maybe suggest marriage counseling. Make sure you also ask him if its something medical happening to him. Maybe he has something going on with his body he is ashamed to talk about.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:51 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Did something happen during the birthing process that scared him out of his wits? Have you unconsciously let the baby's care make him feel unimportant except for when you want sex? Have you said or done anything that made him feel "unmanly" so that his ego has been badly bruised? Are you telling him often how much you love and appreciate him and the things he does, or does he feel that maybe all that's taken for granted? What is he talking about when he's not being prompted to talk? You have to look for the clues to the "why" and then you have to work on fixing that problem.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:10 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • man your lucky my husband always in the mood for sex i really hate it he makes me mad but just talk to him let him know how you feel
    LOVE88

    Answer by LOVE88 at 10:39 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • This is sometimes normal after a child is born. Attempt to get close to him and see where that takes you. Set up a nice dinner date for the two of you. You can do this at home and its not expensive. Candles a dinner and set the mood right. When he gets home have it all done up for him where he is relaxed and let nature take it course from there.
    MrsTGray

    Answer by MrsTGray at 10:41 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I think that some men have a madonna complex where they suddenly see you differently when you become a mother. I would think that you have to help him see you again as a sexual being. Perhaps talking about it first and then trying different things. If that doesn't work - counseling would be the next step.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 11:24 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN