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any military wife? can you help me?

My husbnad came home from Iraq and I was very happy until I found out that he has being cheating on me with a co-worker. She is also married. I only found out because she has being calling him and sending e-mails. I was curious so i checked his e-mail and there it was a very erotic e-mail reminiscing about their time together. I'm so hurt I waited for him and was faithful. We have a 2 yr old son. I confronted him and told him I want a divorce. and what he said was that I was a selfish b.... that most guys and girls in the military "confort" each other to help each other deal with what's going on over there. since obviously we can't help them from home. I don't think I can get past this but I don't want to turn my back on my hero. Is it selfish of me to want a divorce? How do you deal with your spouses "conforting" others?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Politics & Current Events

This question is closed.
Answers (92)
  • One more thing forgot earlier. In case it hasn't been mentioned you should also get tested for HIV and STD's if you have had sex with him.. Sorry to say it, but it is a fact of life nowadays. Who knows how many other guys that girl was "comforting" and she may not have been the only one your husband was with either.

    Also, I think one reason guys in the military cheat so often is because we wives do not hold them accountable like we should. We are supposed to have power through the UCMJ and yet we rarely use it. Personally, I don't know one guy who has cheated and was actually punished by the military because the wife didn't push it. So if everyone is getting away with it why shouldn't they continue to cheat? Especially when the wife doesn't divorce him either??? Take a stand and don't let him (or her) get away with it. If it ever happens to me I'll smear him across the flight line if I can! :~)
    desilu671

    Answer by desilu671 at 3:47 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • well no way my man would ever do that...... that is a piece of crap he is tell you... firstly if their are women around him then he is in no real danger... they don't really put women in high risk cases (they dont want to pick up dead women off the battle feild im told)

    im sorry you have to deal with this.... but he is so wrong... my husband was in afganistan for 15 months and he wasnt "conforting" nothing.... thats unacceptiable and i also believe one a cheater always a cheater

    and if it was only cuz whatever he said why is he still emailing and talking with her on the phone?
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • srry for all sp errors im in a rush**
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • no problem. thanks for telling me I'm not worng.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I would not accept that. You don't cheat in a marriage. Frankly, they can both be charged with adultery if you wanted to get nasty about it. I would get out, especially since he thinks he did nothing wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • no way. she is right, they DO NOT put women in danger. And not only that, Iraq is not the dangerous place to go. Afghanastan is. And second of all....BS what he said. He knew the life he was getting into, just like you. He needs to wait to....a cheater, DIVORCE
    cloud144

    Answer by cloud144 at 9:51 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I would say work it out, but he thinks he did nothing wrong. I am sooo sorry that he has wasted your time...kick him to the curb and find a new MAN, a REAL MAN.....
    cloud144

    Answer by cloud144 at 9:53 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Uhm no they dont comfort each other like that AND they could both be thrown out o f the military for that. My dad was a marine for more then 25 yrs and he never cheated on my mom. How ridiculous for your husband to say that. More then likely he doesnt want a divorce because he knows itll come out and he will get in trouble for doing what he did. I would leave. I am not for cheaters and did leave someone who cheated on me. I dont put up with the lies, and just out right betrayal.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:53 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • thank you ladies. really gemgem they could be thrown out for that? I didn't know. thanks for teh info.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • NO, most guys and girls in the military DO NOT"comfort" each other to help each other deal with what's going on over there... That is selfish of him.

    If it were me, I would contact your chaplain, seek counseling. Talk it over and if you were serious about leaving him and seeking a divorce and he is not being forthcoming and honest, contact his commanding officer and let him know about the ordeal. jmo
    grlygrlz2

    Answer by grlygrlz2 at 10:00 AM on Jan. 21, 2009