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6 Bumps

I am in a very messy situation, please don't bash

I got engaged to a man who was divorced, we dated 6 months, got engaged and a month later I was pregnant, wasn't trying but it happened. He never had any children with his ex wife and they tried for years so assumed I had cheated and left me (I didn't). I moved out of state to move back in with my parents because I had also just lost my job. Within a month after he left me, he was back with his ex and they are planning on getting remarried. They apparently went to the doctor and she was told that she was the problem with conceiving, not him so now he believes that he is that father of the baby. He has said he is going to take me to court for full custody since I moved (which I checked with a lawyer before I moved, as long as I moved before the baby was born, as I did, I can move wherever I please and I don't have to move back and it won't effect custody except that he is over 1800 miles away). He thinks him and his SO are going to get 50/50 custody which since they live far away, that's not going to happen according to the attorney I met with when I move in with my parents (since any court order would be through this court, I wanted to see how this state handles things). Until the baby is school aged, the judge will not order her to be away from me more then 48 hours and since the courts are so backed up, we won't even get to court until after the baby is a year old. I think his SO thought of this as a way to get a baby she told me that she is going to be just as much a mother as I am, not gonna happen. I have told him he can come visit the baby in my home (since I am not letting him take her off until there is an order because he wouldn't have to bring her home) but his SO is not welcome. He also thinks him and his SO are going to come to the hosptial and see the baby (I guess he plans on coming when I deliver) and I told him is SO is NOT welcome in my hosptial room. What would you do in this situation?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Mar. 10, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • OK, so you want to protect your rights as a mother and limit the custody options for your ex.

    Right. I'd start by making him fight for everything. Don't put his name on the birth certificate. Don't call him when you give birth. Make sure the nursing staff at the maternity are aware that you do not wish to see either him nor his partner. Don't let him visit the baby in your home. In short, don't do anything that will make it look like you want to consider him as a co-parent. Yes, he can fight for his rights - fair enough - just don't make it easy for him. Let him demand DNA testing - he'll have to go thorugh the courts for that thus making the time even longer until he gets to take her. Once there is a court order for visitation and child support, do not allow anything that is not specifically stated in it.

    Good luck to you. I'm sure youi'll do what's best for both you and your baby.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 4:41 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • His SO messaged me last night on facebook saying I am jealous that he is now with her, I messaged her back saying, no your jealous that i can have a baby and you can't. Then I blocked her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:24 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • Honey, do whatever you must to protect your baby. I agree with Winterglow. Stand your ground and whatever you do, do NOT let him anywhere near that child. Don't even let them know where you are living. Let's say you are at work, your mom is watching the baby, he can walk in there and take that child legally. Good luck to you.
    texasgurl33

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 6:39 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • While what the attorney told you might be what the atmosphere of the court is now, this might change. There is a huge movement to give father's more rights.
    In most cases, I would say "he is the father, you need to be fair", but this guy seems to be a real jerk for 1) insisting your cheated and the baby wasn't his and now 2) thinking this child can be the one he can't have with his current partner.
    But because he's been such a jerk, I'd say to follow winterglow's advice.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:44 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • He accused you of cheating and left you. I'd make him fight for everything. Do not put him on the birth certificate. Do not have any communications with his s/o. Establish sole custody the moment your child is born.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:55 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • You have every right to feel angry at your ex but are you sure you want to keep him out of your child's life? One day you will need to answer to you child. Do you think your ex is truly a bad guy? Remember this is not about only you anymore.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 8:13 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • I totally agree with winterglow. Follow what she says. Also get OFF FACEBOOK! I would not have any communication with them at all except through an Attorney. If I were you, I would just Disappear in their eyes until after I have the baby & file for Child Support.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 8:13 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • They can't visit you at the hospital if they don't know you're there - and you can also tell the hospital that you don't want to see them. They will not be allowed in if you say you don't want to see them. As far as the rest, I agree with winterglow. He wanted to deny his baby, so now make him fight for his baby. Don't name him as the father, don't give him any visitation or send him any pictures or anything until you have a court order in place that specifies what you must allow.

    Do not communicate with them in any way other than through your lawyer! No facebook messages (and no status updates talking about them, either!), no texting, no phone calls. If they call and you answer, all you should say is "Here's my lawyer's number, call him." and hang up. Don't give them anything, not even the time of day.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:28 AM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • I am so sorry he is acting like a real poor loser...HE DENIED YOUR BABY...and thought you have cheated...therefore, you left the state to be at your parents THAT ITSELF IS A PLUS FOR YOU IN COURT.

    Do not worry, he would not be able to have 50/50 custody...maybe here in there some holydays when the child is older...
    Until then, be smarter than them WRITE DOWN WHEN THEY CALL YOU, WHAT DO THEY SAY TO YOU....to present as evidence that they are TRYING TO AFFECT YOU EMOTIONALLY which eventually will affect the baby....

    It itself would look bad on them WHEN THEY ARE TRYING TO GET RIGHTS TO BE NEAR YOU AT THE HOSPITAL...because searching to affect your peace looks like harrassing a pregnant women NOT APPRECIATED IN COURT.
    Monsita

    Answer by Monsita at 2:19 PM on Mar. 10, 2012

  • I would change your number...I wouldn't tell him where you live...and I wouldn't tell him when you deliver.

    Just cut his sorry ass out.
    FreeForAll

    Answer by FreeForAll at 2:22 PM on Mar. 10, 2012

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