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How can I deal with my husband possibly having a new baby with his ex?!?!?!?

I married my husband not too long ago. He has an ex girlfriend that has recently had a baby claiming it is his. He did not cheat on me. The child was concieved before they split up. She had cheated on him right after she had her daughter last year. The thing is that it could be his. I have been having a lot of issues in dealing with this. I just dont know if I can deal with him having a new baby with another woman even though it wasnt while we were together. Its just weird. There is a bit of jealousy there since I want a baby with him but he wants to wait like 3 or 4 years. How can I come to accept this baby when I feel like I just cant? I know its not the baby's fault, but I will always look at it as the cause of a lot of drama, stress, and arguing between my husband and I. I just dont know if I can stay with him if this baby is his. I dont know if I can deal with it. Please help!

 
chiquitamarlita

Asked by chiquitamarlita at 11:05 AM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • That's really a tough call....I was in a similar situation, and thankfully it turned out to work in my favor...but what I stronly suggest is to wait and see. Don't think about it until the time comes. If you love your husband and the relationship is good, then I think that you can work through just about anything. You just have to remember that you are the one your husband chose...and loves and wants to be with....
    Lacey1012

    Answer by Lacey1012 at 11:08 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Well not everyone can be a step mom and accept the realities with it. Get a DNA test before you start stressing out though. She could be lying to keep him in her life ya know? After that if the child is his then its something you can look at. Can you be a good step mom? Can this baby maybe help you in some ways remind you of what its like having a small baby around? I would also stay out of the drama altogether of the biomom and your dh. Its not your problem and disengaging is always best. If she calls take a message and act like it doesnt bug you. If he has child support again his issue. Visits he does pick up and exchanges. In a way you can just be the fun person in the kids life. If it continues to bother you then you can reasses. But again, try not to stress until you have the DNA back.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:10 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You are the one that decided to marry a man that was fresh out of a relationship. You need to accept that there is baggage that will come with that. The baby won't cause the drama, don't pin that on an innocent child. The drama is yours and yours alone. If you don't think you can handle it then get out of the marriage, obviously you weren't ready for the better or worse part. I say that you accept the child if it is his, and get over your jealousy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I agree that the baby should not cause drama nor should you get angry toward him about it because you want a baby. Enjoy the two of you right now and don't take it for granted.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Didn't you know this stuff about the EX-GF before you married this guy. You live and learn.
    You won't do this again will you.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:18 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • well, I would wait and see.. I know it stresses you out, but marriage has it's ups and downs. This did happen before you and him were together... so I would work with my husband... even if the baby isn't yours.. look at it as a good thing.. this way you can get practice at being a mom..my brothers gf was in this situation, (it was a little worse because she use to never want kids or anything to do with them)... but whenever my brother gets his son, she is very helpful and gets along great with the baby. Treats him like he is her own. It's very sweet.. I would stick it out, you may surprise yourself.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:31 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • i would stick it out girl, i know it's tough but i would have reacted the same way you did if i was in your situation. wait for the DNA test and see what happens. a friend on mine had this happen to her mom. her and her husband split up, not divorced but seperated and while they were split he got some girl pregnant and in the end they ended up working things out and now her moms sees that little girl as her own and loves her. like hazeldove said, you may suprise yourself :)
    sarrrr13

    Answer by sarrrr13 at 11:50 AM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • If you are unsure then you should not of taken vows to be by his side through better or worse. When something like this comes along you should stay by his side to let him know you care. But when it comes to him and his x and the baby dont get involved because as much as it sucks it happened before you. The only thing you can do is relax and make him get a paternity test. From there you can decide what is going to happen together as far as visitation and so on. You might surprise yourself and you could come to love this baby cause it will be your step child in the long run. And if he wants to wait for another couple years then you still have one baby to practice on...good luck
    faithsMoM27

    Answer by faithsMoM27 at 12:16 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Did your DH know the baby could be his before you guys got married or did the ex just tell him recently? If he didn’t know, you couldn’t possibly have made a judgment call on whether to stay or not.

    I suggest getting a paternity test first and then making a decision. What does your DH want to do if the baby is his?
    mysue

    Answer by mysue at 12:39 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Would it be the same as you already knowing he had a child, like it would be your step-child or is it because it was such a suprise. Either way you go, how can the husband be wrong if he didn' t know
    You should support him, and I am sure he needs that. he wasn't celibate before you and you knew that. What if you were the woman having another mans child, would your husband understand and stand behind you or would he argue with you about another mans child. could he accept another mans child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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