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Grounding for forever??

My 12 year step daughter got herself into some trouble and my dh told her she was grounded for a month, and he took away her cell phone, took the computer and Tv out of her room and told her she was not allowed to go anywhere except school for this amount of time. I was thinking along the lines of week or two, but think a month is an awful long time to be grounded.
I am wondering is there a good rule of thumb when it comes to grounding? How do you decide best on how long is enough? What do you do in your home?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • let the punishment fit the crime... and my 3 yr old has a tv in his play room so if you think her dd is spoiled (annom comment of course.. no suprise!) you should see my child... lol... he also has about 5 play cell phones... more to take away when they get in trouble... ha ha... yeah just do what you think is appropriate. i would be careful when you have already put the punishment in place to change it, she may think she can manipulate you and dh when you change his punishment but maybe talk to him about AGREEing on the time before telling her... What did she do???

    Answer by AmaliaD at 7:54 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • It depends on what she did, honestly. If it was pretty bad then I see nothing wrong with his punishment for her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I grounf my son for a month a he's 9. Pends on what she did. And you can't have your husband change the ground after he just set it. She'll think you do it all the time.

    Answer by Ann7227 at 2:02 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I agree w/ Ann. My Mom used to say stuff like that to us all the time, but we knew she would give it up at some point. I truly believe in doing what you say. Even if you think DH was too harsh, stick by him and stick with the punishment. If she thinks she can divide you two, she'll do it. Then she'll think you don't really mean what you say. Thankfully, I'm not here with my own kids, but I can only offer you my advice from life experience. Good Luck!

    Answer by Luvmylilmonkies at 2:06 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • depends on the crime. My daughter had a 280 dollar cellphone bill. She was grounded until she paid if off. It took 2 months. She earned 4.55 an hour cause for a minor that is acceptable mimium wage and did stuff around the house. She learned the value of a dollar. However if that's what she got he needs to stick to it or she'll learn dad's a softie I can get away with murder.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 3:44 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I think it depends on what she's done. I remember being grounded for 2 months when I was about 12. That was torture and you can bet I didn't do it again.

    Answer by InsanitySpeaks at 4:17 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Groundings are not like time-outs where there's a rule that states so long for every year old. Depending on what happened 1 month could be completely reasonable, I've known of children to be grounded anywhere from a day to several months. While you may not agree with you DH on this you MUST stand with him kids know the whole divide and conquer plan of attack as one of their best strategies to get out of punishments

    Answer by xmasbaby73 at 5:02 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I remember being grounded for as long as it took to sink in.

    Sometimes for a whole grading period, sometimes for a week.

    Depends on the crime.

    Answer by madamekatekate at 6:19 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Like everyone else said... Depends on the crime and you can't change it now. I wish there was a general room of thumb but everyones circumstances is different. Some kids also need longer punishments then others for it to sink in. A month isn't long at all. My 14 year old step daughter is pretty much grounded with out an end date currently. My 16 year old step son is grounded from bad grades and will remain grounded till his next report card.


    Answer by armymonkeyof4 at 9:29 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Honestly, a month is too long. I'm a survivor of those vicious teen years....with ONE more to go. You have to take something away from her that means more to her than ANYTHING (like the cellphone). As far as the computer and TV in the room, I've never allowed my children to have TV's or cpu in their room. They isolate themselves in there and you can't watch who they are chatting with online and about what. My husband 'caved' in and allowed it....I didn't like the outcome so THE MOMMY took over & pulled the electronics out.
    But a month is too long. They get to the point where they dont care because they've already been without it for a few weeks.
    My 8 year old is currently grounded from TV & computer til the weekend. If she really pushes the 'wrong' button, I take her horses away & she's not permitted to ride for a THAT really breaks her.
    Hope this helps, but with every child is different.

    Answer by cam1096 at 9:59 PM on Jan. 21, 2009