Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Are there any groups or chat rooms for grandparents?

I'm having a problem with my nearly 40 daughter who has a nearly 4 year old little girl, a daughter 14 and a son 12. She has started saying some things that just crush me when we are having a disagreement about the Gkids, usually when i've been watching the, and I have a different opinion.

The latest is,'You had your turn raising your kids, now it's my turn, and I can do what i want with them, Stop trying to raise my kids.'

Any thoughts?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • Your daughter is absolutely right - these are her kids and she will do as she pleases (as long as it is legal and safe of course). You may give your opinion, force advice, tell her what YOU think is right for HER kids - in the end it is YOUR DAUGHTERS choice - end of story. Every parent has different ways of parenting - (forgive me if I'm wrong) but it sounds like you don't like HER way of parenting because it's not YOUR WAY of parenting? Your the GRANDMOTHER. I wouldn't push this issue to far - if your GKids see you disrespecting their Mom, they might push away from you.

    Fooph121780

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 8:52 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I disagree with how my children raise their kids and I do have to let them make their mistakes but I still put in my two cents worth like "have you ever considered trying it this way?" It's less of a command than a suggestion. When all fails I do it my way when I watch them myself and talk to them and allow them to talk with me about what's going on at home. There are groups by age that might help. Do keyword search and put in your age like 50 or 60 or whatever. Age groups tend to go by multiple of tens. I have nine grandkids ages 2 - 19.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:31 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • THEY ARE HER KIDS AND SHE WILL RAISE THEM AS SHE SEES FIT , DISTANCE YOURSELF DO NOT VISIT OR TAKE CARE OF THE GRANDCHILDREN EVERYTIME SHE WANTS YOU TO FINE OTHER THINGS TO DO AND SHE WILL REALIZE THAT SHE WILL NEED YOU SOONER THAN LATER. KIDS SEEM TO THINK THAT THERE PARENTS ARE OF KNOW USE ONCE THEY HAVE THEIR OWN BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT YOU HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE IN THAT FIELD .SHE SHOULD BE GREATFUL THAT SHE HAS YOU BUT THEY DON'T AND DO NOT REALIZE THAT GRANDPARENTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. MY FRIEND'S DAUGTHER DID THAT TO HER AND SHE WAS SO DEPRESSED THAT HER OWN DAUGTHER WOULD DO THAT TO HER BUT SHE JUST LEFT HER ALONE BUT SHE WOULD CALL JUST TO SEE IF SHE WAS DOING ALRIGHT AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY SHE IS REALIZING THAT HER MOTHER WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP HER .SOMETIMES DISTANCE IS BEST BESIDES YOU ARE STILL HER MOTHER NO MATTER WHAT.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I havea group for grandparents with older children, raising young kids and grandkids. You are more than welcome to come by. http://www.cafemom.com/group/748. I can see both sides of this because I am raising my last 2 biological kids along with 2 granddaughters and my parents also live with me and my mom has really been getting on my nerves lately when it comes to the kids. It wouldn't be so bad but my mom was not a good parent. I pretty much raised my brothers and sister.
    debj49

    Answer by debj49 at 6:00 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Sometimes its hard being a parent,no matter how old our kids are,isnt it? You have to realize she is the parent and she will make mistakes,as we all have raising our kids. The best thing you can do is be there for her,if she needs your help or guidance. If you alienate her,she just might keep those grandkids from you. You need to keep communications open for their sake. They might need you later on. Motherhood is the hardest job there is. Perfect example.
    guardmp_MOM

    Answer by guardmp_MOM at 12:02 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • just because your daughter is raising her kids in a way you do not like doesn't mean that it is wrong i would back up just a little bit and let her do things her own way unless of course it is harming the children cause other wise she will take them and leave and not let you be around them
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I have 7 grands, 2 of which live with me along with their mom. I disagree with a lot of what she does. They have no schedule, she yells instead of reasons, they eat at all hours of the day, she let's they watch what she's watching on TV (which is questionable) and she's on the phone 80% of the time. I try not to say too much but sometimes I have to pull the old "you're living under my roof." My son who has a 6 year old (Jason) has been married to Jason's mom for about a year. They argue constantly in front of Jason. I finally told them last night that I think it's wrong and it should stop. They left the house without even saying goodbye which upset me. I guess my answer is you have to let them do what they're gonna do. Sometimes they do the opposite of what we think just to let us know they're in charge, not us.
    jeanine5

    Answer by jeanine5 at 2:05 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I know there will be a day My daughter will say those words to me for that is who she is .
    As much as it is going to hurt let her do it all on her . paying bills. care sitters for the kids, Step back do nothing for nothing. If anything becomes a big wake up call when someone thinks Parenting is easy especially after you/we have been helping a lot. when they realize you / we Just are no longer at their beckon call "For they can handle raising their own Kids " See how long that Statement Last in this generation. Good Luck to us all .
    GrandmaRBN

    Answer by GrandmaRBN at 6:53 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Unfortunately, your daughter is the only person with the rights to say how her children are to be raised (their father, too, if he is involved). She has the right to tell you to back off and you need to respect that, even though it hurts. While they are in your home and in your care it is okay to do certain things your way, but you still need to honor your daughter's wishes on particular things that she specifies, like no candy or no certain tv shows, for example.

    My 20 y/o daughter and her newborn live with us and she lacks common sense so I am always making suggestions after I allow her to try things her own way first. That is how parents learn - by trying themselves first. I ask her if she wants my advice, though, rather than butting in and telling her. Oftentimes, I just make "suggestions" and let her think about them.

    As long as the g-children are not hurt then you need to back off. {{HUGS}}
    PrydferthMenyw

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 8:54 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • You're lucky you get to see your grandchildren. My DIL won't let me see mine, because I wanted to rock her. And she thinks, I thought she wouldn't be a good mother. Which is something I never said. I just think she was scared the baby would like me more.( I wasn't in a competition for her.)She might get use to it ! We have had all kinds of problems with the DIL, since before my Son married her. But love is Blind and he can't see what she is really like. All you can do is give advice... if she doesn't like it she can ignore it. Good luck !
    GrandmaDorey

    Answer by GrandmaDorey at 11:29 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.