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I know I may be terrible but...

I cannot stand the fact that my SO has an ex-wife and son. He left the state they all lived in to be with me now I am pregnant, due in March, and she has been blasting us with insane child support. So bad, we cannot even pay rent!! I have asked him to take care of it, get it lowered or something but he won't. Then he tells me the other night that it hurts him, i don't seem interested in his kid. Well, honestly, I'm not. All the money issues and her calling asking him to go half on this and half on that when we can barely EAT is making me crazy! I honestly want to leave and just raise this baby on my own...I have done it before and leave the drama behind me. He is a good guy and means well, I just don't know how much of this I am cut out for. I am 36 so I am not young and naive...I could take care of myself and my 2 kids, but I don't want to hurt him unnecessarily.

Am I wrong? is this just something I need to put up with?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • I don't agree with anon at all! My stepdad payed a ridiculious amount of child support to his ex wife while she sat at home doing nothing! She lived off his child support and then even when his kids turned 18 she still tried to get more bringing up medical bills that SHE chose to never pay etc. I don't think that its fair for women to live off child support and that a man and his new family should have to deal with it! Just cause he makes more money doesn't mean that he should have to give it all to her and then his own family live in shambles! She can just as easily go get a second job if after child support and her own job doesn't pay the bills. I'm not saying he should not pay anything but now he has new obligations and has to worry about his new child too. The money needs to be split evenly.

    Answer by cuddlek at 4:01 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • So, you have a kid from a previous marriage and you would not like it if he was like that toward your kid. so why do it to him?
    Why doesn't he try to get custody of his son?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • deal with it. this is his obligation. you don't like it, leave. sorry, kid, but sounds like you are stuck with one of them "responsible" types. you did a good job picking a man to raise your kid. you'll have to get over the fact that he's a good dad.

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 3:22 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • but there is no drama from my my ex. It has all been resolved because I took care of it. I would never expect someone else to support MY drama.I have asked him to take care of things, like getting the CS reduced to a payable amount but he won't. He just makes excuses then we can't pay anything. Then she calls and asks for more money and he comes to me telling me about it. He has brought up the custody thing but we are about to have our own baby and because of my SO's ex and their kid, I do not even know how we can afford the responsibilites we have!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • having said this, i am so sorry that things are so tight. keep the faith and only let good in your heart... and if you leave the hate behind, things will get better.

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 3:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You knew that he was a "package deal" when you got involved with him! Honestly it's not just you I am sick of all of the 'i hate my so's kids' bs THEY WERE THERE FIRST and like the pp said how would you like it if he didn't like your kid? As for the child support, it is a percentage that is decided based on the LAW, if the 1/2 of this and that is not in their agreement then he doesn't have to pay it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • The fact that you can support the children on your own is not going to solve anything. Eventually you will hurt the children and you will drain yourself out more than what you are now. This was something you had to think about BEFORE getting into a relationship/pregnant. Since you've done it before alone, then you should know how expensive it is to maintain a child. Food, rent, doctor visits, clothing, sports, extracurricular activities, pictures, field trips, medicine, hospital bills, school, lunch money, holidays, products, sheets, heat, water... add all that up and of course a woman needs help. She shouldn't have to do it on her own anyways.

    Answer by girlletmetellu at 3:25 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I know people who think they pay a lot by paying 200 a week. That all goes with 1 doctor visit. Maybe she is not as well off as you are... and if she isn't then I can see where she is coming from. If you want to be with him, you have to accept that this will be a part of him forever. You will have to put up with it.

    Answer by girlletmetellu at 3:25 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You surely did not expect him to dump one family when he started another one, did you? What bothers me is that children need their daddies, maybe even more than they need their moms. I think now that you have made this man the choice to be your child's daddy, you should stick it out and stand by your decision. There's a lot more riding on it than you have any idea. Also, it would probably serve you very well to stop complaining about his taking care of his original family. Accept that the man has the decency to want to provide for the children that he fathers. Many do not want that responsibility.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:25 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Join the club. My hubby never married his psycho baby mom but she took us to court and awarded $730 a month!! Mind you she is on food stamp living with a boyfriend and on us. Hubby lost his job and still had to pay that amount. I asked him to lower now that he has a job but he wont because he knows how the system works. He got a new job and the boy is older now eats more needs more stuff. They may raise it higher not lower. We have a baby and they dont care. Thank God I have a job! I understand how you feel. No, you are not wrong. There has to be a middle ground somewhere. He cant be paying shit load and in the meantime you guys are suffering. Never Fair!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jan. 21, 2009