Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my daughter

i have a daughter that will be three this feb. for the last year she has done what ever she wants, when i tell her not to do something she just looks at me and then does it anyway, now as she has gotten older she waits until i am not looking or she thinks that i am not looking.
i have tried everything from time outs, standing in the corner, to a swat on the hand or butt. but i am at a loss because she just does what ever she wants and doesn't care if she gets punished.
i have also tried making her sit in her room for a while and after about 2 or 3 minutes she comes out and looks to see if i am around to see if she can sneak out.

please i am at a loss of what to do, i am scared that as she gets older that she will get worse.

 
mrssundin

Asked by mrssundin at 3:25 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 19 (6,722 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • wow, we might have the same daughter! I found with my daughter than it's more effective for me to make a big deal out of when she is being good than to punish her for being bad. Kids that age generally want your approval, so try making a huge deal out of when she is being good or when she does something that you ask her to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • You say that for the last year she has done whatever she wants - do you mean that you let her do whatever she wanted? Telling her no verbally isn't enough - they don't come with a dictionary defining "no" - you need to back up the "no" with a physical action like re-direction "No, you cannot touch the computer, but here's what you CAN do" and then pick her up and move her to someplace else that has something she CAN play with. For every no, give her a yes. Now that she's almost three, give her choices on what she can do and give her consequences beforehand as well. Let her know what you expect and then let her choose. Be prepared to always follow-through on consequences...never make a false threat or she will learn that you don't mean what you say. She needs limits and she needs you to enforce them. You need to be consistent, whatever you do.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 3:59 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Your going to have your work cut out for you if you've been allowing this behavior for this long! Don't expect overnight results. You are going to have to do a lot of work before your child understands that you are in control- not her. That you expect rules to be followed or she gets a time out. I do not believe in spanking- and have 2 very well behaved children 2 1/2 & 4yo. The reason is, my kids know the rules and know the consequence for breaking the rule- a time out. Time outs don't work at first- your child will challenge you on them- she will not take you seriously until you show her your not going to give up. Good luck - it will take a lot of work but it is sooooo worth it!
    litstargazer

    Answer by litstargazer at 4:07 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • i have tired the time outs to the point that i have made her sit in the corner until she actually fell asleep from pure boredom. we have been doing the follow through the whole time, it just doesn't stick, like the punishment is no big deal. i don't think that it bothers her to get put into time out or any other punishment. i have even tried taking away her toys and making her stay in her room unless it is time to eat.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 6:28 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • If she thinks time out is no big deal, then she's not missing her time with you, and that could be a problem. How much positive time do you spend together? You need to make sure she WANTS to be with you in order for time outs to work effectively, otherwise you will have to find a different discipline that will motivate her to WANT to listen to you. I have found that time outs are not effective for simply not listening - you need to reinforce your requests with follow-through on your requests. If you ask her to pick up her toys and she refuses, then you can gently take her hands and help her pick them up until she's ready to do it by herself. If you tell her to stop doing something and she doesn't, then you help her stop.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 8:44 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Another tactic I use with my son is to have him repeat back my requests to ensure he understands what I'm asking him to do. Make sure your daughter is hearing you by having her repeat back. To get my son's attention, I give him 3 words "Stop. Look. Listen." This directs him to stop what he's doing, look me in the eye and listen to me - make sure you have her FULL attention before giving her a request and if she doesn't stop, look or listen, help her to. Just take her face and gently turn it to you and look her in the eye. Eye contact is very important to communicating effectively! So try focusing on spending lots of positive time with her, help her learn to listen better, and help her with follow-through on your requests...for starters!
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 8:50 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN