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My son's dad and I aren't together and things ended very badly when I was pregnant, so when I gave birth I gave him my last name. His dad wants to change it now. Should I let him and why?

After I found out I was pregnant he left me claiming he wasn't the dad and he was back with his ex-wife(3rd one to be exact) and he never went to any of the appointments and I never saw him until I was almost 7 months pregnant.( I found out when I was only about 3 weeks) He's there for my son now for the most part, usually when it suits his schedule best and he does pay child support but I don't think that's the only thing that makes him a dad. He won't settle for hyphenating his name first then my name. He wants his only or his last and mine before. All the excuses he gives me are the same for me. "It's his son, I'm his dad" He's my son too and I'm his mom. What should I do?


Asked by Crys2008 at 12:28 PM on Jul. 19, 2008 in About CafeMom

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Answers (8)
  • exactly like you said... he is not just his son, he is yours as well... why would you want to name him after someone who seems like he is just bullying you into what he wants done.. i had a similar issue with my son's dad, things have worked out, but i still regret just giving him his last name. i wish i would have hypehnated it... dont just give in.. if you are having concerns for it, then dont change it... he should realize you are willing to add him on to the name... if he is unhappy at that, then dont comprimise... (he may even think, that with your son having his name he may have more control over situations and such..) i wish you all the luck, but just dont let someone bully you into something you do not want to do

    Answer by mfialdrdickhaus at 12:37 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • He's your son, the father is not there to raise him... so DO NOT change the name!!! You don't have to, so don't let him bully you into doing it. Tell him NO!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • I think that you should just stick to your last name. My son's father did the same thing when i got pregnant, and I think any guy that acts like that does not have the right to ask you if your child can have his last name. So I would say just stick to your last name, after all you are the one that your son gets the most support and love from.

    Answer by jeh81489 at 1:56 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • Keep your last name. He made a unforgivable mistake, and that's what he got for being stupid and cure to his CHILD, leave alone cure to you.

    Answer by yoshiki56 at 6:12 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • personally if he wasnt there for u and claimed in teh beginning that your son wasnt his kid then I wouldnt even consider letting him taking his "fathers" last name!!! and when its convenient for his schedule, NO WAY!!! u were the one that was there for all the appts, and the one that gave birth to him and u were there for him when your son needed you, no forget ur ex boyfriend!!!! u dont need to change ur sons last name to his because he wants u to, and he wont even consider hyphenating it if u were going to be ok with that?!?! NO WAY WOMAN ARE U OUT OF UR MIND?!?!?!

    Answer by Ms.Beth1214 at 6:17 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • Keep your last name. It can be too confusing for the child. My ex and I went through that with his daughters bio mom and she confused the heck out of the child by enrolling her maiden name as her daughters in school and telling her daughter that her given name wasn't her name anymore. Never legally did it either.Poor baby was so confused she cried everytime they read her last name in kindergarten for roll call.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • No man, no name. Keep your name and make him support his son now, raise your little one until you find Mr. right (the man that will want to be his daddy, not donor), then consider changing for the husband that you have'nt met yet...good luck!

    Answer by rosetoes at 3:12 PM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • Oh yeah if he keeps bullying call his wife!

    Answer by rosetoes at 3:13 PM on Jul. 21, 2008