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Do we attend graduation?

I posted about "SD not communication" and "what would you do?"-thanks for the support and great advise. There is another issue. SD gradutes in May out of state and we probably may not get an invitation. I called the school and got the graduation information, and there are no tickets to attend, all are invited. If we do not get an invite, do we plan on attending? Should I stay home so my husband can talk with SD one on one and SD won't feel awkward? Do we all come together (step siblings,half brother and paternal gma?) Do we email SD and give a heads up or just show up? Do we try to see SD before graduation one night or just attend the ceremony on Sunday. We'd need to leave Monday am for home. We want no drama or communication with BM. I am sure we will still not get any from SD.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (7)
  • I would let her now that you would like to attend. If she doesn't want you there then I wouldn't go. I didn't want my mom at mine and she showed up anyways. Now looking back I think that if she hadn't come I would be more upset with myself.

    Answer by coala at 9:04 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • let know you'd like to attend, ask if she has any plans for dinner (or whatever) the night before. talk to her about it (or have DH talk to her) and find out what she wants.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 9:39 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • A person never invites themself. No matter how much you want to be there. If you are trying to keep an open line of communication and also continuing to build a good relationship with her, I might would ask her the grad. dates, then ask if you should be making plans to attend. That does put her in an awkward position to answer, but if she's pretty stable, she'll respond honestly. Its still only Jan. and anything can happen between now and May. But I would never crash a party nor a graduation. Ask to celebrate with her the day before, the day after, the weekend after, or make a short little vacay with her to celebrate. :) That's more fun anyway, take loads of pix and she'll know that you and her father love her so. As she matures she'll realize how much.

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 9:42 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • If you can communicate with you SD about the graduation then that's what you need to do. If she agrees...great! I would go and have fun...if not...then NO don't go. This is HER's not about anyone else....she only graduates once.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 10:46 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I'm guessing that if you don't get an invite, she doesn't want you there. I didn't even go to my own graduation. I'd hate to think you loaded up the fam and went to that long ceremony for nothing.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:43 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I agree with those who say you should let her know that you would like to attend.

    Answer by debj49 at 6:03 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Your husband can let her know that y'all would like to be there to support and encourage her and to celebrate her graduation. If she doesn't want y'all there, or want you there, you will have to deal with it. I would give the relationship time to heal, you can just keep offering your love and support.

    Answer by joysings at 1:26 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

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