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how do i beat resentment?

I resent my fiancees son. Im not sure why, but i think it might be because when i agreed to help watch him, before he deployed, i wound up taking care of him 24/7, while his dad sat on the couch and played on the comp. His birth mom ignores himand treats him like crap. i really want to figure this out before it gets out of hand and i ruin the relationship. I wanna be good to him, i dont want to evr treat him like she does........any advice...if u are gonna be a b**ch, dont answer.

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Asked by redheadgurl87 at 9:24 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Are you sure it's your fiance's son that you resent and not your fiance? I would talk to your fiance and let him know how you're feeling. It is HIS son and therefore, he should be the primary care giver. That responsibility isn't yours. It's great that you are doing it, but your fiance needs to know ur feelings on this.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 9:25 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • thats what i was going to say. i don't think it's his son but your fiance asking you to do something that really shouldn't be your responsibility. he may be taking you for granted and not telling he appreciates you.

    Answer by melody77 at 9:39 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Did you call Dr. Laura? I swear I heard this sort of situation on her radio show. lol. From what i understood the child has become an outlet for you to express your discontent but is most likely not the root of the feeling. I actually was in this situation a couple years ago. I think it is kinda common, but few are willing to admit it. My way to overcome it was to think to myself ,as I looked at the child, how they are just inocent victims in this life into which they are created. Definitely talk to the dad, (I would not say that you resent the child, this may come back to bite you in the a**, He may use it in a fight or something), but do tell him that you do not enjoy the situation. If he is just playing on the computer...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! Go somewhere FUN and INCLUDE him!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • You are a good person for asking this. Think of your fiancee's son as an extension of him. By treating him good, you are treating your fiancee well and respecting the commitment you made to him to take care of his child before his deployment.

    At first a child can be overwhelming, but, if you start to see taking care of this child as a way to see the world through the eyes of child with all its beauty, you will come to enjoy the experience. Do not hesitate to ask others in your community help if you become overwhelmed and need a break. Best of luck.


    Answer by Tetona at 10:07 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I think you are transferring your discontent with your fiancee, onto his son. The child is not responsible for you having to care for him 24/7. Your fiance is. I would decide what I was willing to contribute to the care of his son. If I was willing to share care while he was visiting, if I was willing to do the 24/7 thing or if I didn't want to be responsible at all for his care. I would then let my fiance know what he can expect. I wouldn't marry the man until I saw for myself that he wasn't going to "dump" his kid on me. Even if I loved the child, I would not allow my fiance to use me as a babysitter. You need to know where you stand before going any further. This is YOUR life and decision and I don't know why you are sounding afraid of being like his ex wife. You aren't his ex wife.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 10:48 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I would talk to my fiance about helping out more when HIS son is there. Tell him that you love him and you love his son so you want to do things like a family would do. Tell him you want to see the way he will act when you two have children together.

    Answer by Kari_Noelle at 1:25 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

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