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Can you fall out of love with someone, but still want to spend the rest of your life with them?

My boyfriend and I have a daughter together, and we have been through a lot of hurt from each other in the past. We are now back together and make each other happy, but i'm afraid i have fallen out of love with him. I don't know for sure, i just know the feelings aren't as strong as they use to be. I still want to spend the rest of my life with him, get married, have more kids. I feel that I can fall back in love with him over time. Am I wrong for this? Is it fair to him?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • no because i actually feel the same way about my boyfriend. im scared that maybe hes not the one. but at the same time i really want to marry him and have a future with him. im trying to figure out myself if that is wrong =/ just trying to say..ur not alone

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 11:13 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • It is possible for the right/wrong reasons. We might no longer love the person, but are comfortable with them because we know how they are, their habits, their uniqueness. we stay out of comfort/security. i tried it, but it didn't work for me,, it didn't feel right after a while. I wanted to a couple in the full sense.

    Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Well... I can't give advice based on a relationship at that level. But as a married woman I firmly believe that marriage is about falling in and out of love with the same person for the rest of your life. It's about looking back at the not so "in love moments" and being proud that you stuck by- and being honored because you know he has probably had his too. It's about looking at him and finding new reasons to love him 20 or 30 years after you've met.

    You can't want to change a person... but you can accept them for all they are. There is no such thing as a love that is perfect. But there are people who can come together to be commited inspite of each other's imperfections.

    Answer by CooksWife at 11:21 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • my sister and I are both married and we have both been though alot in our marriages (dif things but alot of it) for example my BIL had cheated on her so much, in her own bed, taped it showed it around etc... and not to mention other stuff and she was feeling like you do now. It took a while but they are both back in love and he is greater then he has ever been He has seriously hcnaged something I never thought he'd do. My husband and I wen through other things, I felt the same way... but I made an effort, looked for all the good qualities in him and then asked God to help me love him again. My sister and I both did this. and with God and reading the word, it really helped us reconnect with our loved ones and have a better relationship then we have ever had with our spouses.

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 11:27 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Oh my lord. Did I write this and forget? Girl, I feel ya. I love him but sometimes I think I'm not IN love with him. But it doesn't make me want to leave him. We have a child and we're a family and I think I can put up with him for the rest of our lives for our daughters sake and because we are a family. Nobody understands it...but it makes total sense in my head lmao

    Answer by AriMicSun at 11:35 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I don't think that you fell out of love with him .. I think you are just going through a stage in your relationship.. a stage that shows you are becoming more than just lovers, and are openning up to become better campanions.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:40 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Thanks for the help ladies, and hazeldove, thank you for showing me different ways to think about it, your answer makes a lot of sense to me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • I just wanted to tell you I feel the same way about My SO. We have two kids together, I don't think I am IN love with him anymore but I love him dearly. I do still want to marry him, he keeps changing the date though so maybe by the time the date comes i might not want to marry him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • i think im exactly in the same place as you. i dont feel like im in that mushy romantic love with him, ive been in love before so i know how im supposed to feel. its a love for him, more than a man, less than a lover. im pregnant with his baby and we plan on living together and being together. im gonna keep up with this one because i need the same advice...

    Answer by Naivenewcomer at 4:12 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

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