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my husband past away 1 1/2 years ago. I have started dating an old school classmate. My 11 yr old daughter lashes out at him for no reason at all even though hes always nice to her. What can I do to help them get along?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Jan. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I'm very sorry your husband passed. This is going to be a hard question for anyone to answer unless they have been through it. I think she just doesn't want to be hurt by losing another "father" figure in her life. I have no experience in this I just wanted you to know, I read and am thinking of you.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 11:30 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I am sorry to hear about the lose of your husband. I have not had this happen but I do wish you the best. It will take your daughter longer to adjust than you. Just give her time and be there for her.
    halfpint6niner

    Answer by halfpint6niner at 11:40 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter might be feeling that you are "replacing her daddy" and therefore resents BF. Are you able to sit down with her to ask about her feelings? If she's reluctant to talk, I would consider some counseling to help her along with her grief process.
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 11:40 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • i went to the exact same thing with my moms husband when they where dating i hated him cause i felt that he wanted to take my dads place and i felt like my mom was giving him more attention then me to tell you the thruth we never really got along till now and am 20 but you should try to do thing together so they can start building a relationship
    LOVE88

    Answer by LOVE88 at 11:40 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe she needs more time to adust to him. Reassure her that he is not taking her Daddy's place. Make sure that you are serious about the new man before you have him come around her a lot. I wouldn't have anyone around her unless you have been dating for a while. You little one needs the stability of her home being her home. I hope you don't see that as harsh. But when my Dad died my mom went through a few guys and all of them were nice enough. Just don't do the sleep over thing for a long while that was scary for me. And make sure she knows she comes first. Don't miss her things because of him. And don't expect her to like everyone. Give her time and no sleep overs till you are really committed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • TALK TO HER FIRST SIT HER DOWN AND ASK HER WHY SHE DOES IT SHE PROBABLY THINKS HE WILL TAKE U AWAY FROM HER AND SHE IS STILL SAD ABOUT HER DAD U JUST NEED TO REASSURE HER U WILL ALWAYS BE THERE AND HES NOT HER DAD BUT NEED TO TREAT HIM WITH RESPECT
    josalin

    Answer by josalin at 12:05 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • It's been a year and a half, of course she's still upset over losing her dad, and I doubt there's anything you can do to make her happy that you're with this man. I'm sorry for your loss, but you need to focus on your daughter right now rather than your love life. She needs to have full attention from the one parent she has. Put your love life off for 7 years while you raise your daughter
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I think it's very likely that she sees this as an attempt to replace her daddy in her life. You can talk to her about what a fine and special man her daddy was and that you nor she should ever forget him and that nobody will ever be able to replace him If you can get her to accept that as truth, then you might be in a position to talk to her about your needs as a woman--companionship, protection, help in making decisions and how you miss those things in her father. I think perhaps you have not laid the correct groundwork before bringing this man into her life. It may take some time, but if you move slowly, I think she just might eventually accept him, especially if he is a nice man who will be willing to be patient with her.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:53 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Obviously she isn't ready. You should let it go and deal with your daughter.


     

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 8:29 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

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