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Help with my 11 yr old!

My daughter is very rude to my now boyfriend. We have been seeing each other for couple of months. I have threatened to take away her TV...stereo...and it was going fine...but lil by lil she started up again. She looks at him ugly and makes sarcastic remarks when im not around. He doesnt tell her anything becuz she is so young. What do I do?? Since I didnt follow through with taking her things away...I feel stuck now!!

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xrosa9706x

Asked by xrosa9706x at 12:07 PM on Jan. 22, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You shouldnt punish your child just because they dont like who youre dating. You need to sit down with her and ask straight up what the problem is. Ask her what is it about him she doesnt like. Tell her youre trying to understand and respect her point of view and maybe theres a reason and if so to tell you. If she doesnt have a reason then say then you have to respect me enough to respect the man I am dating. Tell her in a few years she too will be dating, and unless she expects you to treat them the same way she needs to shake it off already.
    Make sure she knows he isnt replacing her, or trying to replace her dad if she has one. Say its still early in the relationship 2 mths isnt long and to give him a chance. If she still doesnt get along with him then he may not be the right guy for you.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:11 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • It's not too late to follow through. Remind her one more time, and then do what you said you would do. Our kids loose respect for us when we make idle threats and don't follow through. It sounds like she has decided she can do what she wants, and it won't get better until she know you are serious.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:13 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Start by following through w/ YOUR threats!! She has free reign of everything by you not doing what YOU said you would do..
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 12:13 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Take her stuff and nip it in the bud. I hate when kids think they have a right to talk rude or treat any adult rudely. For some reason, parents make excuses for their kids acting like assholes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • ask her if she'd like it if you were rude to her friends? manners are manners. She is obviously afraid of him coming in and taking over the home. many children are. It's up to you to make her feel secure and at ease with him. Then again maybe she sees something negative in him that you don't see. My youngest could tell a bad spirit quickly and I learned to listen to her. It never hurts to just talk with her and see what she thinks. She won't feel left out then.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:24 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Talk with her. IT may have nothing to do with him. Does she not like that you now have to split your time with him and her? OR something else. Usually there is a reason behind kids and their reactions. I teach this age and it took me a while to figure this out. Let her know that her behavior is unacceptable but also try to find out why. She may not be fully aware of why but keep prodding.
    ConnorsMommy521

    Answer by ConnorsMommy521 at 11:50 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • find out WHY she is rude to him. Is she jealous of him because he gets your attention. Is she threatened by him and what he represents?

    Have you had other boyfriends that she was NOT rude to, or got close to and then you broke up? My son was being this way at her age to my then partner, and we finally got out of him "WHY SHOULD I LOVE ANOTHER PERSON WHEN THEY ARE JUST GOING TO LEAVE?"

    He was protecting himself by NOT liking someone who was not permanent. She may be just protecting herself.

    I would not allow RUDE behavior, but give her a break in that you chose this person to be in her life, she didn't. Give her time to warm up, or NOT to them. I wouldn't punish too harshly. She is just a kid.
    Keriokeeee

    Answer by Keriokeeee at 10:09 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Yes, talk with her to find out why she is acting this way. It may be jealousy that she wants you all to herself or about him in her Dad's place.
    cat4458

    Answer by cat4458 at 10:53 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Ok, ask her if she doesn't like him and fix the problem by telling her of I doesn't work out then it's ok unless you wanna date him again
    Expectingnomore

    Answer by Expectingnomore at 3:33 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • She needs to have her ass busted for acting like that!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

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