Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

He Wore HIS Clothes :-((

Last night I discovered that my hubby was wearing the shirt my son wore for most of the day that he was killed. I wrapped it up along with his jeans, and saved them, because they still smell like him. I was devastated!! Spent the rest of night in my room. I wanted to reign him with blows, I was that upset. How could anyone be that stupid? I know that there is NOTHING that can undo this, that the last thing he wore is now gone from me, but I couldnt even look at him this morning, I was physically sick.

I need to get over this, but I dont know if I can. What's done is done, I feel like phoning him at work and telling him not to come home.

Am I over reacting? Is this not the most bizzare thing ever?!!! Who doesnt know their own childs clothes ?

Needless to say, I am a bloody mess today. My heart is literally aching. I feel like my husband tore another hole in what is left of my heart.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Jan. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Oh hunny I am so sorry about your son and you have every right to be angry at your hubby. What he did was very very disrespectful to you and he should get an ass beating. I would tell him that he hurt you and that you don't know if it is a forgivable sin. If you don't mind my asking, what happened to your poor boy and how old was he. I send you love and prayers and hope your heart may heal someday although I know it will be hard.

    Answer by Peekalou at 12:56 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Did he wear them out of spite? Or did he wear them b/c they reminded him of his son? You might want to talk about it before you tell him to not come home. Good Luck!

    Answer by coala at 12:57 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Maybe your hubby did this because that was some way for him to grieve? Don't turn on each other, talk to him about it. You guys need each other.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 12:57 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Maybe that was his way of feeling close to your son again? It doesn't sound like he did it to hurt you. I'm sorry for your loss :( I don't think you're over reacting...I think you're really hurting and that's ok. Talk to him about it and see what his reasons for doing it was.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 12:58 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I do have to agree slightly with the other mommie's though on the fact that he may have done it because he was missing him and wanted him to feel close but you need to let him know it bothered you and try not to be to angry and talk about it with him.

    Answer by Peekalou at 12:59 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I can't even imagine what that must be like. I would try to talk to your hubby and see the reasoning behing what he did. I would be very upset too. Maybe it made him feel closer to your son somehow.

    Answer by musikdoll at 1:00 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I'm so sorry. :/ But, did you put the clothes in the same closet/area that hubby keeps his clothes?? Maybe he thought it was his?? I get that it would be crazy for him not to remember that that was the shirt his son was wearing, but sometimes grief can make you forget. Ask your husband about it. Maybe he just wasn't aware, and probably did not think that it would hurt you.

    Answer by mrseum at 1:03 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • I am sorry for your loss. Don't you think your DH was doing it because he is grieving his son. That was a way to be close to his son. Every body grieves in different ways. You should just sit down with your DH and talk about this. Tell him how you feel.


    Answer by louise2 at 1:10 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • dont over react im sure he didnt do it to hurt you he may not have relized and he may have wanted to be closer to your son. Im sorry about your loss but i would calmly just sit and talk to him about it you two cant turn on each other now you must work through this together and its importent to cry on each other right now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • you two need to console each other. this sounds like his way of holding on. just like it was yours to keep the clothes it probably makes him feel closer to your son. i am sorry for you loss truely but dont be mad at your husband he misss him too. be strong stick together maybe sit down with each other and go over the many many happy times you both had with him. good luck

    Answer by jodi205 at 1:12 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.