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I found a written threat to my daughter from her boyfriend..what do I do ?

my daughter, now an immature 20 yr old, has had an on again, off again, relationship with the same town tough guy for the past four years.She is now in her 2nd yr of college in upstate ny and he is currently a marine serving in Iraq.He just recently ended it with his other on again, off again girlfriend, and came crawling back to mydaughter the same day he ended it with his other girlfriend.My daughter is always giving him just one more chance promising him that if he should break her heart just one more time , it will be over for good( thus we have heard this over and over again)This guy acts as if he is GOD and people should fear him. I came across an email he sent to her before they were back together telling her this...." I'm jus tellin u if i ever hear bout u n notha dude again ill kill u " this kills me as a mom knowing the kind of person this boy is.My daughter has such low esteem for herself .I need to know what to do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Jan. 22, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (27)
  • I don't know what I'd do. Report him maybe? Try urging your daughter to get help for her low self esteem? Poor girl. I know you must be so scared for her, I would be. Good luck.

    Answer by CookieMom108 at 1:50 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Print it out, call the cops. press charges.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:50 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • If he's in the military you need to share the note with his commanders. Also a copy to your local police and campus security at her school as well as the police department in that town.

    Answer by EireLass at 1:52 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • well 1 u could show it to the pretty sure they can do someething

    and if she gets mad..owwell some guy thretened the love of your life

    Answer by HAUTMAMMA3908 at 2:00 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Print that email and collect any other hard evidence that you can find. There may come a time when you will want to turn it over to the police. In the meantime, talk to her as much as you can about her worth as a woman and how she does not have to settle for the dregs of humanity. There is an excellent book entitled EVERY YOUNG WOMAN'S BATTLE by Shannon Ethridge & Stepehen Arterburn. See if you can get her to read that while he is gone.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:02 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • You cant do anything about it if she is a legal adult. They will ask her what she wants to do, if she doesnt want to press charges, etc. You are SOL.
    Maybe you should talk to her about it. How did you come across this email, btw?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Thank you all for ur responses.I don't know what I was expecting to hear that didn't already cross my mind.This relationship has cause such tension amoung my daughter and myself.I've spoken to her so many times that this has utterly drained me. They have always held a very unstable relationship.He calls her cell phone every single day ( even from Iraq) and has such a control over her. When he is at home, he never takes her into public.They dated on and off in high school but were never seen together as a couple.She has lost all of her friends and they too see how unhealthy it is, and he has threatened all of her "guy" friends, so they don't come around anymore. She sits at home waiting for his calls and messages on myspace.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • As of now,my daughter is finacially dependant on us,and I've gone as far as taking her car, her cell fone..ect.I state how I will not give her a $40,000 wedding if she marries this manipulator..and the more i protest, the more he pulls her towards him.I've tried to go along with it and he dumps her like a hot potato, then reaapears like a fungus over again.He wanted so badly to know my opinion about tattoes ( since he has plenty) and after telling him how I don't think they are too tasteful looking, he went and took my daughter that same week for one on her wrist! My heart breaks everytime I see it..and after working in a financial institute, I know from experience that visual body markings are unacceptable for certain positions. I really need to thank you all for allowing me my little time to vent because this is just eating away at me, and I don't want to burden my friends anymore then I have too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • im sorry, but the other anon is right, you can go to the cops but ultimately its up to her to press charges. however im sure if you tell his commanding officer THEY can do something!

    Answer by aliciatron at 6:12 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • you should talk to your daughter about this and maybe have a talk wiht this boy about it ....he may just be saying that but you dont want to be sorry .

    Answer by britme1027 at 6:34 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

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