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Has anyone else tried to seriously reconcile an abusive relationship?

He is (now) a recovering alcaholic. Verbally abusive sober physically abusive drunk. Things have been good of course, we just got back together at the end of december. but the last week or so we have been at eachothers throats. i have my own issues and struggles (depression, no job, f'd up family, etc). lately he has been so mean making rude comments talking to me like i'm his kid rather than his SO about cleaning, or how i'm spending my time, or what i do with my son. how do you defuse it! how do i not get angry and tell him the things he is saying really f'n piss me off?! other than ignoring him becuase that makes things worse, lol. i'm good at that, trust me. he knows i'm pissed about his running his mouth.

 
chagenue

Asked by chagenue at 3:35 PM on Jan. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Level 8 (227 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • you have made the decision to stay, and you're both in counseling so hopefully things will work out. I think the key is the only way things will get better is if both parties involved change - not make an effort but actually decide that this is it we can't continue this way, let's start anew, otherwise, you will continue to be in the same old cycle and after awhile it will run you down. You have to be smart and strong for your child, you don't want your child seeing you and your husband act this way. I commend you for wanting to stick it out, but have a plan b if he doesn't change - nobody deserves to live in a home where there is constant anger, confusion and lack of peace, especially a child. God bless your family
    need2rest71

    Answer by need2rest71 at 8:22 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I would not have tried to reconcile an abusive relationship. I don't care how much you love him, he is prpbalby not going to change. I wish you all the luck!
    coala

    Answer by coala at 3:39 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • You truly BOTH need to get some help. You say you have lots of problems of your own to deal with, and he has problems with his alcohol and his abuse that he needs to deal with. IT does not make a good relationship because you feed off of each other. Recociling an abusive relationship never works unless there is some sobriety involved and counseling, or unless the abusing person REALLY wants to stop and DOES!!!

    You need to get to some counseling for yourself............... some for your SO and some AAA for him as well........... and then maybe some joined counseling together! I wish you the best of lucky......but in your heart you know the right answer you are seaking for. You just have to be strong enough to go through with it. People dont change unless they want to.........
    MyMayBaby_Chloe

    Answer by MyMayBaby_Chloe at 3:41 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Time to move on. The man is no good for you.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:43 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Yes, I tried, but it only got worse and I ended up leaving again. The 2nd time I left I had to move to a different city to feel safe. It's not a good place for you or your child. You said he was verbally abusive when sober so not drinking is not fixing everything. Please take your child and leave. If he ever really gets his act together (which I doubt due to my own experience) then you can give him another chance. In the mean time get out and make a better life for you and your child - chances are once you feel stronger you won't feel the pull to go back to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • i tried and gave up. it really wasn't worth it.
    chyna_doll

    Answer by chyna_doll at 3:56 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Answered at 3:49 PM on Jan. 22, 2009 by: Anonymous
    Yes, I tried, but it only got worse and I ended up leaving again. The 2nd time I left I had to move to a different city to feel safe. It's not a good place for you or your child. You said he was verbally abusive when sober so not drinking is not fixing everything. Please take your child and leave. If he ever really gets his act together (which I doubt due to my own experience) then you can give him another chance. In the mean time get out and make a better life for you and your child - chances are once you feel stronger you won't feel the pull to go back to him.

    I agree. I also been their and for your babys sake I say get out of their. He doesn't respect you and and you deserve so much more. your child deserves so much more. Their are shelters and organizations you can call. Just have to swallow your pride for the safety of you and your child.
    kyheavensmom

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 5:03 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • what made you go back to him? He sounds like a piece of crao
    heatherann0221

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 5:12 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Things aren't going to change, honey, until YOU change them.


    "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:58 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • he went to an inpatient program and i went to an outpatient program. he goes to therepy and aa and i go to therepy. we are both making seious efforts. he is not a piece of crap, i'm not looking for that kind of advice. what i am asking is how to diffuse the tense situations.
    chagenue

    Answer by chagenue at 10:41 PM on Jan. 22, 2009