Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do I tell my son that the father he knows and loves is realy his stepfather????

my ex found out I was pregent and left town. I meet my husband when my son was 6 months old we never told him that was his stepfather and not his real father to him he is dad the only one he has ever known.we were informed that his real father has been granted visations rights. so how do we tell him in a way he would understand?????


Asked by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Jan. 22, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • not really the perfect age to tell a child. but there is no such thing as the perfect age, nor the perfect time i think :(

    I was 11 years old when my daddy told me that he isnt my bio father and only my stepfather. it felt like my life is falling apart. i didnt understand what that meant until him and mom explained it to me. it took me weeks to get over it. i couldnt understand why lied to me.

    But then i realized that hes the best dad i could have ever had and i was thankful to have him as my dad. And still, im so happy that he was there for my mom when she divorced my bio father and that he changed my diapers and actually was a father to me - by heart!

    im not sure if your son, at age 6 will understand whats going on.
    but no matter what, its going to be hard to tell him.
    it alsot doesnt matter HOW you tell your son the truth. listen to your heart. you will find the right words.

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 6:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • How old is he now?

    Answer by Mishelly728 at 5:52 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • he is 6 yr old

    Answer by flame831 at 5:54 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • be ready for his emotions-anger, sadness, etc. be ready to answer questions that he will have for ex. y u didnt tell him earlier. and make sure he knows that its ok to feel the way he does. and that it doesnt change anything. he can still call his step dad daddy. and i think since he doesnt know his bio dad that visitation should begin at your home with you present. he didnt even know the guy so how can anyone expect the child to go visit with someone he doesnt know. as to y his dad left when u were pregnate-i would let the bio dad answer that. hope it goes ok. :D

    Answer by SThompson21 at 5:57 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • So many kids have 2 dads now so he may not take it too bad. I would refrain from using the word 'real' dad. I would go with 'biological'. A six year old either is or has determined what 'real' is & that the opposite is 'fake'. So if stepdad is not my 'real' dad, he must be my 'fake' dad. The word biological doesn't really have a clear meaning to a six year old.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • Well, you tell him in child terms. Be prepared though. Always keep counseling in the back of your head. Sometimes, depending on the child they take certain news well and sometime not. You did nothing wrong, only protected him. He has a right to know his real father. Just make sure and assure him that his step-father loves him and even though they are not blood related, he loves him like they are.

    Answer by kscmbz at 6:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

  • A REAL father is the one that is there for you. The one that changed you, rocked you, helped you ride your first bike, picked you up when you fell, made you clean up your room, bought the groceries & put a roof over your head....& if he couldn't do that then his heart broke until there was a roof & groceries. THAT is a REAL father, not the guy who boinked your mom.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Jan. 22, 2009