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4 Bumps

I have 3 adult children living in my home. My son 25 daughter 20 and her boyfriend 23.

They all have their own rooms . The boyfriend helps the most . My daughter is always tiered and brother is crankey. Daughter has 6 cats that she feeds but everyone else cleans up after.She works retail and has odd hours. Son just got a job also in retail and I work as a manager in retail odd hours as well. . My big issue is I am stuck in the middle. I need everyone to pull their own weight but with the exception of the boyfriend unless I am on top of them things don't happen.Does anyone else have a similar situation ? I have made lists , given jobs, but again unless I am on top of everyone it doesn't happen.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Mar. 25, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (16)
  • You poor thing! I'm a hard ass and I'd be laying down the rules and make it REAL clear that EVERYONE
    pull their weight! Of course, at their age, it's hard to punish them but they're being very disrespectful to you.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:25 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • Well, do they pay rent? If they want to live there, you call the shots which you are trying to do- and if they don't comply, then what consequences do you want them to have to pay? Shut off cable, satelite, cell phones, if you have to. Those are priveleges. Just an idea, if they won't meet you half way. I have not been in your situation.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:26 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • They are not paying rent at the moment becuse they are paying their own bills, phones, cars.Like you said I can't punish them or put them in "time out". I really just need ideas of getting everyone on board.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:33 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • If they eat your food, then they should help wash dishes and cook. If they use your bathroom, they should clean up after themselves, and I guess ways you can try to get it across would be- NOT providing meals for a few days or clean bath towels, and trying to see if they are willing to talk at that point.

    If you are paying for satelite and they are enjoying that but not helping out with the rest of the house, it may be worth your while to shut it off somehow. If mama aint happy,...
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:39 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • I'm sorry... I'm not as nice as you.... If my children need to come home due to circumstances beyond their control... well, we can manage that. Otherwise, they are out after graduation living and working on their own. Boyfriend would be a total NO way in my book... especially if you are supporting him too. That's way to many adult children who should be standing on their own two feet. When will you be able to have your own life??
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:39 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • Ain't nobody happy!

    I'm not sure of your circumstances but do you depend on them to help pay household expenses and if so, do they pay you to live there?
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:42 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • Sorry, you already answered my question.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:44 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • I have a 21 and 25 year old sons. My oldest son just got out of the service last month and he and younger son are sharing an apt. Our 21yr old was driving us nuts because he was at school and working, so he felt it was our duty to clean up after him! My DH and I both work full time as well. I told him it was time to be a man and move in with his brother, and he's doing amazing and actually takes pride in his home. Best part, he and his brother are best friends.

    I do miss him though, but now we're all happier, lol
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:51 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • I agree on the boyfriend, I actually don't want my kids having sex before marriage (I can't control that but I wouldn't be encouraging it at all)- if the bf needed a place of his own, he could live anywhere just not in the same house as my daughter he was dating.

    I would miss my kids too but having them on their own two feet is part of our job and also that much closer to them having their own family and grandbabies for me!
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:55 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

  • Start charging rent. If they don't like it, they can go elsewhere. See how they fare living WITHIN THEIR MEANS!!!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:26 AM on Mar. 25, 2012

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