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Should I be upset about this?

I have a 6 year old and a 6 month old and my parents are very close to my 6 year old. They ask to pick her up from school at least once a week and she spends the night with them alot. I have never asked them to keep both kids at one time. My mom has kept the 6 month old during the dau for me while the 6 year old is at school. But we needed to go to the hospital yesturday to see my hubbys grandmother and we didn't want to take the kids because of the germs. When I asked her to keep them :she said both of them?" Well yes, why would I want to get germs and not the other???? And when Icalled to say we were on our way, she acted really weird. Well when we got done at the hospital I called to check on them and they were fine and I asked if she cared if we went to eat and she said "sure, go for it" in a sarcastic way. We went but I didn't even enjoy it because I was rushing to get back. I never get a break without both kids and I let her pick up my 6 year old all the time, so why the attitude when I ask her to keep both kids? My dad is occupied with the 6 year old the whole time and the baby took two naps. It just upset me, am I wrong?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Mar. 26, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • From now on if they want to see the kids, make it clear that they see both, or nothing.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:20 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • Seems that your mom would just rather spend time with your children one at a time instead of both at once. Does she think that having both of them at the same time is too hard for her? I would just ask her why she doesn't want to keep both kids...her reasoning could be very valid and understandable.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:24 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • Honestly, I can see why you would want a break, and I can understand not wanting to take the kids to the hospital. But, on the other hand, kids that age can be a lot of work, especially for older people, or those who aren't used to (or gotten out of practice) with taking care of both of them at the same time.

    It sounds like they do like spending time with the kids, and that they do it often, but that they prefer when it's two of them able to "tag team" it.

    I understand that you're stressed, and probably worried about your dh's grandma, but I do think you're overreacting. I think it might be a good idea for you to find someone else to babysit for you sometimes, someone who can take both kids, so you can get a break, and to appreciate that they take the kids as much as they do - there are many whose parents can't or won't do that much...

    good luck - I hope your dh's grandma feels better soon, and you get a break soon.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:25 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • I think you're overreacting to this. Your mother maybe doesn't feel up to dealing with a baby (this is a lot more common than you'd think). Sounds like she's bonded with the 6yo but not yet with the baby. Give it time... and be grateful that your mother is there to help out.

    Answer by winterglow at 9:32 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • Maybe she isn't comfortable caring for a tiny infant. They are a lot of work.

    I can answer this from a grandma's perspective. I have two grandsons and a granddaughter on the way in the next week or so.

    My 4 y.o. grandson is independent, well-behaved and potty-trained. We have a nice bond and like to build things together.

    2 y.o. grandson is a handful. He is a big, sturdy boy that likes to get into everything. I love him too and we have a nice bond, but he requires a lot more work than 4 y.o. He destroys everything 4 y.o. builds. I started doing strength training at the gym so I don't pull my shoulder out again lifting him.

    I will have them both for about a week soon when dd has the new baby. I know I will be exhausted.

    Grandmas have lives too. We did our time being tied down with kids and want to enjoy our grandkids and send them home. It's your turn now.

    Answer by mrsgino at 9:38 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • I don't know how old your parents are, but I am 65 and grandmother to 7. We love having the grandchildren, and we keep them a lot. We are in relatively good health, but I can tell you that taking care of children at 65 and 68 is a whole different ball game than taking care of them when you are in your 20's or 30's. The age gap is also significant and even if a baby is sleeping, grandparents are likely to be more vigilant than parents. We had three children and no help with them, but we also had much more energy for the task than we have now. We keep multiples at times when it is necessary, but we also enjoy the one-on-one time with each of the grandchildren. I also think it benefits the children who seldom get that kind of time with their parents. I might also add that tacking on something extra when perhaps one or both of your parents wasn't feeling 100% may very well have felt to them like an imposition.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:39 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • I think my thing is that anytime they want to keep the 6 year old, I let them. But when I need them to keep them both, it is an inconvenience. It is like it has to be on there terms.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:39 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • My mom is the same way with my children and she finally admitted that she couldn't handle all three of mine at the same time. Mine are 6, 2 and 9 months. I can understand with my two youngest but she always favors my oldest and that gets to me. Just hang in there and remind her that there are 2 grand-babies and not one. GL

    Answer by aheuszel at 9:40 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • It doesn't sound like they are favoring one child over the other - they are just saying that they can't handle them both at once. Also, you said you asked them to watch the kids so you could go to the hospital. While I don't have grandkids, I do have an adult son and an almost adult daughter, and if either of them needed something like that from me, for something like you described (visiting a sick relative), I would do it - even if I wasn't feeling up to it, or even if I had other plans. But then you added a "date" to it, which is an entirely different matter.

    Watching both kids, even if you aren't up to it, for an emergency is entirely different than doing it so you can go to dinner. By your own admission, they help you out quite a bit (picking your oldest up from school, keeping her overnight, watching the baby during the day for you, etc), and it sounds like they might be feeling a bit taken advantage of.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:46 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

  • My mom is 55, so she isnt that old!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:46 AM on Mar. 26, 2012

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