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I know I have a problem...how can I CHANGE???

I am such a B**TCH to my DH, I dont know how to stop!! I am always rude to him. I know this is horrible but today I told him I hope he goes to Iraq and dies...I know its bad... I am a horrible person. I know its wrong, and while I am saying these things I am thinking in my head "this is rude, its not right, and you shouldn't be saying this" But I cant stop, I always say hurtful things no matter how nice he is being!! I do it on pupose...I know I do! I want him to hurt for some reason! I dont know why or how to stop!! What should I do?? I love my husband, I dont want him to leave me! He is am amazing father, and husband!! What do I do? I am so lost!!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Jan. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Geez.. I thought I was being grouchy the last couple weeks.. I would never say anything like that to my hubby.. Do you blame him for sumthing that hes done and you jus hold it against him or sumthing?? You should really go to counciling or sumthing before he gets sick of it and leaves you..
    MiSs.SmOkEy

    Answer by MiSs.SmOkEy at 12:23 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I dont think I do...I am so lost. I think I just want to be mean!! I dont know...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • First of all, you probably need to explain all of this to him and ask him to be patient and work with you as you try to change. Then maybe when you notice that you're getting ugly with him, make yourself stop and think about what you're saying. But it kind of sounds like you might need some counselling or something to figure out exactly why you feel like hurting him....
    Silvertears1275

    Answer by Silvertears1275 at 12:24 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I suggest a therapist, sounds like you have some issues you need to get over. I hope and pray nothing happends to your husband as for you get yourself figured out before talking to him again.
    JAJA_Steele

    Answer by JAJA_Steele at 12:26 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Alrighty it will be ok. Sometimes when there is a possiblity of someone separating from us such as deploying sometimes we put up a barrier. We lash out and say cruel things to protect our hearts from the possiblity of them having to leave. Some people use the anger as a self preservation method. A way of protecting ourselves from the pain of them leaving.
    Just tell him how you are feeling and apologize.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:27 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Wow, that is horrible. I could never tell my husband that. Are you depressed?  But, I think you need counseling. This is obviously something you can't control and you need to get help because sooner or later your husband is going to get sick of this and leave. So, please get some help. I wish I had more adivse for you.

    xBuriedx13

    Answer by xBuriedx13 at 12:27 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • It sounds like you have anger problems. Seriously, I really mean that. I went through the same thing.
    I just really had to learn to bite my tongue and learn to be kind. Here's some things that helped motivate me.
    \Continued.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • -If I don't stop he's going to come across a woman who knows how to treat a man and he probably won't think twice about leaving me! (I know..Harsh but it's happened.)
    -What's he going to think about me when he sees these other women being kind to their husbands then looks at me?
    -I know how easily I get hurt over things he's said to me so why do I say even worse things to him?(Remember what it would feel like if he said he hoped you died...I know it would tear you up.)
    -If I respect him I notice that he respects me more in return..It really does work!
    Those are some things that helped me and I practiced thinking things like that a lot.
    It's discipline of the thoughts. We have control over our thoughts...We REALLY do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • The good news is you've admitted you have a problem and need help. I believe your next step is to take some quiet time and and evaluate yourself. Search through your true inner feelings, about him, your life together, but most importantly, how you are feeling about yourself. Be honest in your answers to yourself. If you discover that your problem is with him or something to do with the relationship, then you two can talk about it and work it out. However, if your rudeness toward him has nothing to do with him, and are having problems within yourself (hormonal, depression, etc.), then maybe a doctor's visit might be helpful. Good Luck.
    MsSallyC

    Answer by MsSallyC at 12:33 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Pray to God for forgiveness and ask Him to take the mean words from your tongue and heart. Only God can truly change your behavior from within...although you still have to make the effort to try and accept the change. As Silvertears1275 said, counseling can help with that. May God be with you and make this task easy for you! :-)
    5_girlz

    Answer by 5_girlz at 12:33 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

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