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How do I file for abandonment?

I've talked to DD's sperm donor 2x - once to tell him I was prego and once at 3mo prego when he told me to terminate (i told him hell no). I don't know his address or phone number - the only things I know are his bday, previous job, and his myspace page (i'm not his friend I just know he has one) and me and DD are on state aid. I was told that I would be contacted by Child services after DD was born to establish paternity. Never happened. DD is 16mo now and paternity still hasn't been established. I want to establish it and then file for abandonment but what steps do I need to take? I just want it over with so DD and I can move on with him legally out of the picture. How do I get his information so they can find him? Thanks!

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Jan. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • tell them what you know...they will find him

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:42 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • But what office do I contact to fill out paperwork? What office will find him? I just keep getting the run around at DHS and no one seems to know anything...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • i would either go to the court house or children services..but the fact that there's no paternity,legally he already is out of the picture. i didnt know you could file for abandonment..what exactly happens?

    Answer by tnteaton at 2:06 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I would contact Friend of the Court in your state. Go to your county court house and they will help you find Friend of the Court. They are used to establish paternity, set up child support, and enforce visitation. I think abandonment laws differ in some states. Mine was 2 yrs before it was considered. Do you have his SSN, license plate number, or anything to identify him with? Is there anyone (like his family) that you could get in contact with to get his info? I don't know much about abandonment but I know that you can't get him to sign his rights away unless there is someone willing to adopt your DD. No judge will do this.

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 2:11 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I'm positive he'll sign his rights away gladly but I'm pretty sure he can't do that unless he gets paternity confirmed. And I don't have any of his info... I had just broken up with my BF and went out with the girls clubbing, had way too much to drink and ended up at his house. Should I try and contact him myself on myspace? I just don't want anything I say to him to be held against me later. I don't want child support because I don't want him in DD's life. She is better off without him since he doesn't care. He agreed with me about this when I was 3mo prego. But should I contact him on myspace for his info? I doubt he'll give it to me since he doesn't want to pay and the state wants his money i'm sure to cover the aid me and DD have been receiving... And I don't know any of his family or anything...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • yes! friend of the courts! my husband has to pay support for 2 children and thats where the paper work comes from in the mail.

    Answer by tnteaton at 3:01 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Tell them what you do know...they will have to try to find him. I know in Ohio you have to have no contact with him for yrs before they terminate his rights as parent.

    Answer by salexander at 10:05 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • you don't want to get him for abandonment you want him to pay support for 18 years. How can you get pregnant by someone you don't know that well? You find out from friends or whoever where he works or lives and tell DHS his name and they will get him to take a paternity test.


    Answer by halfpint6niner at 10:59 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • helfpint6niner..if she files for child support then that gives him every right to see the child if he wants as long as he's paying. she doesnt want him in the babys life. he told her to abort it. and how do you get pregnant by someone you dont know that well? it happens all the time

    Answer by tnteaton at 1:57 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • If the state isn't after you to get the paternity done, then why even bother? "Actual" sperm donor babies do not have a father listed on the birth certificate. And if you don't want him to see the baby or pay anything, then in the future, just say "i don't know" or "i had a sperm donor" when it comes to the question of paternity. No state agency will deny any benefits just because you can't give them a father's name. It might be hard to say, but if you just let them know you had a drunken one night stand and didn't know the dad and don't know anything about him then they won't question it further.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 2:56 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

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