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Has anyone ever adopted after they had children?

I have two boys that are 10 and 5 years old. They are such beautiful and wonderful children. I'm adopting a baby that is due in March. I'm so excited, I can't stand it. I can still have kids, but I chose to adopt this baby because it's my cousin's 4th and she doesn't want him. I had always intended to adopt a girl because I wanted to be certain I'd get one but I just know this babyboy belongs with us. I'm sure I'll love him the same. Has anyone ever adopted after they had kids? Did you feel different about the adopted child? I know it's an odd question...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on Jan. 23, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (13)
  • Yes, we had a biological son first and then our foster daughter came into our lives when he was 6 years old. I was 3 months pregnant at the same time with our other daughter, so our girls are 6 months apart. Trust me...there are no different feelings towards them.
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 6:33 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I have two biological children, and two adopted children. My husband and I had talked about adoption right from the beginning. There is absolutely no difference in our relationships with any of our kids. They are ours...period.
    adoptionsc

    Answer by adoptionsc at 9:57 AM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Please don't ever say these words in front of him: "she doesn't want him". You may feel the same way for him as you do the others, but he'll probably feel quite differently. Please read some books about common Adoptee feelings. I recommend "20 things Adopted Children wish their Adoptive Parents Knew" and "The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child" Both available new and used on Amazon.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:45 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I have one bio and love ALL the same!
    mommy9

    Answer by mommy9 at 3:26 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • We did. He will be 12 weeks on Tuesday :) Honestly, I wasn't sure if he'd fit in. Of course we wanted him. We've had 3 kids before him. 6, 4 and our last was a stillborn baby girl who woul;d've been 2.
    We LOVE him so much and really, can't imagine life without him. In the beginning, when he was first born before we took him home, I was afraid to show him affection. Mainly because we are friends with his birthmother and I didn't want to hurt her feelings so when she was watching I'd lay off the kisses...finally she said "I know what you're doing. But I'd rather SEE you guys loving on him than not just because its hurting me right now. Then I'd be worried!" lol..
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 3:27 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I don't care who chooses to have a different opinion. WE LOVE ALL OF OUR CHILDREN THE SAME. I know in the beginning before they are actually here its questionable and thats natural to question it and wonder. I also know that some people actually DO have bonding issues for years after an adoption and have heard of people saying "I don't feel the same as I did with 'my own'" or adoptees whove said they were treated differently.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 3:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • oh and I can still have kids, too. Before we went home with Bryson, one of his birthmothers rude friends came over to see him...she was like "How many kids do you have?" I thought she ws being polite so I engaged in a conversation. I said "two, a boy and girl" The next thing she said was "So you got your tubes tied now?" My eyes got wide (couldn';t believe she had the audacity to ask that) and before I could answer, my friend jumped in and told her she was being nosey and she said "oh...well just wondering why..!" People assume if you want to adopt, you can't have kids!
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 3:32 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • one more thing and then I'm done, if you can have kids and adopt, people think you are greedy. I've heard "Why not be thankful for what you have?" Um...why not tell that to people who have more than one child? Who said we weren't thankful for our children just because we want to add to our family?
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 3:33 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • feel free to add me if you'd like! :)
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 3:33 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • My dearest friend and her husband have 3 children ages 20, 19 and 17 and they are in the middle of adopting 3 darling babies ages 2, 2 and 1. She will be the first to tell you there are absolutely no difference in the feeling of being a mother to her bio kids and her adopted kids.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 6:17 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

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